Relationship since baby

[MayHenna1234]

I've been in a relationship with partner for 13 years yet I feel numb; like I'm no longer in love with him. He hasn't got a great job and he has a few health problems. We have a 1 year old son and bought our home just before lockdown. We lived with my parents whilst having LO. During the first year of having LO there were arguments however, since moving in together we've had no connection. We haven't been intimate for around 10 months. I no longer feel attracted or interested in other half. I think its because theres always a problem with health and job however, covid and job insecurity hasnt helped but I just feel numb. If we broke up my son and affording the house is my main concern. I just dont feel interested in my partner yet finding another relationship doesn't interest me. Any suggestions how to save relationship? Or is there a problem with me.

Hi op,

Can you provide a little more detail about your partner and your relationship? What were things like before you conceived and how would you describe things leading up to you having your son?

You say you had arguments but it’s not clear what these were about.

Our arguments have mainly been about money as we was saving for a house before we conceived. Hes 7 years older than me and hasn't ever been proactive about career, saving or relationships however, his parents are the same. (Mum has agraphobia so isn't able to get out the house). He tries really hard and has even bought a house with me (we got there eventually!). He didn't have a great upbringing but we worked together to get where we are. A child and our house was our goal. But since having our LO and moving in, we mainly bicker at each other. Now since lockdown and job insecurity we are under more pressure. Even though it concerned us.before LO, we were still affectionate. Lately Its like I have no feelings towards him. I dont ask he is because I'm scared theres another health or job issue. I can see he feels neglected but I'm struggling to be affectionate towards him. I noticed this about 3 months ago for his birthday. Usually I find a card that shows how much I love him, I couldn't connect with the cards that I would normally get. Also, years ago I always wanted to get married. All my friends got married apart from me. The thought of getting married now repulses me. We've been together so long, we've worked together despite any obstacles and we continue to do this but I fear I no longer love him.

How would you feel if you split and he found a happy relationship with someone else?
That's often a telling point.

At the moment it's like I'm not bothered. I think I'm only concerned of how it will effect the LO ando our house. I just dont like feeling this numb but I cant change it atm. I feel like I am the problem.

Relationships are often tested when a baby comes into the mix. It's easy to fall out of love when you are tired and if you are worried about money it all adds to the stress.

You have to try and keep the relationship special or it will fall apart and that is s shame. Both of you should make an effort to be kind. Talk to each other.

You have gone through signifcant life events at a stressful time so it would be that the impact has driven you both apart.

You may not both be meeting each others needs because of the stress. I would say that you should not make life changes when you have a new baby but give yourself another year.

Are you happy in other areas of your life?

How old are you?

Maybe you have a bit of postnatal depression and feel a bit overwhelmed with lockdown etc . Talk to him and tell him how you are feeling. Once the lines of communication are improving things might feel better