Give me patience....

[Tigaaaarghna]

Had a 'discussion ' with dh on Sat night regarding his work commitments, and lack of family time/attention etc. Was quite frank and honest. But still reasonable.
He is type that needs time to inwardly digest and then will change.
But I had hoped for some sort of recognition of my hatred of the laptop/mobile phone usage to the detriment of all else...

I must be patient, if I repeat the 'discussion' I will defeat myself.

Came home from work, said hello, was on fricking phone for 20 minutes, said goodbye, went out. Will be back 9ish.

No...he does genuinely need it, he relies on it for his work and it is often 'work' phone calls.

Sensed a tiny element of self control creeping in yesterday once he got back home.

Appreciate it's annoying, but if he does the sort of work that means he needs to be contactable all the time then you kind of will have to get used to it (unless he hates his job and it's badly paid, in which case perhaps advise him on getting a better one).

Also, don't know your situation but if you are a SAHM with young toddlers then maybe you need to think about getting some outside interests or at least a hobby for when they are in bed so your partner is not your only source of non-child entertainment.

It takes LOADS more self-control on your part not to mention it again, doesn't it?! You might be accused of commiting the cardinal sin of nagging, god forbid! Why does he need time to 'digest' before he changes - does that mean he's hoping you'll just forget about it? My dh RARELY does things that I ask him to do before procratinating first for about a week and it drives me insane - it's just sheer laziness on my dh's part!

The fact he's told you he's planning to change suggests he agrees he's spending too much time on phone/laptop etc to detriment of family life anyway.

I am a FT WOHM with a 2yo ds.
I am totally aware of how important it is for his job, he is self employed, and it is the sort of business that runs outside normal office hours. Hence not chucking phone in bath or making big screamy, sobby scene.

I don't want/need him to entertain me...I am just fed up with being ignored (and watching ds being ignored) because the laptop is on.

I think you've done right thing in bringing up the subject with him, but the ball's in his court now. Maybe give him a week and if things haven't improved, talk again? Would he agree to setting aside a certain time or amount of time every day to spend with you and ds?

Am giving him time...but it is sooo hard...you are right pegotty, if I mention it again so soon after raising it the issue will be vulnerable to accusations of being a 'nag' rather than a genuine upset iykwim.

It is a difficult balance between work and home life for him, but recently work has been winning hands down.

Could you plan a holiday with his hard earned cash?{wink]

faecetious response no problem justabout
Was mildly miffed at madamez's suggestion I was bored housewife selfishly demanding the attention of my hardworking, longsuffering husband and that solution is to 'get a life'...(ok, I may have paraphrased her somewhat there )

DH is his own boss...self employed, 'building the business' etc.

There is just no cut off point when he switches off from work. Would be great if I could just get him to switch off for an hour each evening to focus on family (laptop off, mobile on silent and in another room). Can be a different hour each evening to fit around his other commitments, maybe two hours one evening to make up for the next one being too busy?

I don't think I am asking for much?

I don't think men choose to be like this. It's just that there is an awful lot of pressure - peer and superiors - on us to "get the work done" and many people work in a culture where you just don't turn stuff down or you are not seen as a "team player". Men are under pressure to earn for the family and it's their way of doing their bit - it's not like they are earning the money for their own selfish pleasure.

We live in a society where women are judged on their physical attractiveness and men are judged on their earning power. We should be equally annoyed about both of these judgements.

I also think any non-working partner who wants their working partner to reduce their hours/commitment to work should also be prepared for them to reduce their salary.

uqd I agree.
I work ft because my salary is stable while dhs fluctuates and mortgage companies etc don't like fluctuations much.

All too often I see these threads with SAHMs moaning about DHs' working hours and I ask myself, "Didn't you make this agreement when you decided that one of you would give up work?"

(I get anoyed with the "DH thinks my house cleans itself" rants too... maybe he'd say "DW thinks the bank account fills itself up every month.")

Tigarghna, I do see why it gets on your nerves (did not know your full situation from your OP and thereare some SAHM who look to their partners to privide hem with all their cnversation et). I think youre asking im to schedule an hour or so a day of no laptop/phone time isvery reasonabl and hope he takes it up.

~Well, I think that there is pressure on women to work long hours too.

My dh in same position - he works a 14 hour day and sleeps the rest(!). When I was a sahm I worked 24 hours a day and raised baby.

Then we ran out of money I found a job in an office with the most unfriendly family hours for 24 hours (but a lot more in fact) per week and pay the childcare. The rest of 'my' time I'm at home home looking after baby and ensuring home is clean etc.

Yep, and I'm also judged on my looks which isn't doing me any favours as I'm so tired I look a mess. However, I will find time to ensure my baby feels loved, stimulated etc.

Don't assume that SAHMs have never felt the pressure of work. Before giving up work to try and have a baby (it wasn't happening for us) I was in a full time 12 hour a day job and our mortgage was based on my earnings and paid by me.

Have to say, even if I was a SAHM, I would want my DH to do this.
It is not about division of labour, it is about being a family rather than 2 adults who happen to live in the same house and have a child together.

Tig - I agree - I wish my husband would have more 'input' into family life.

My ds 17 months gets so exicted on the rare ocassions when daddy is in the same room as us. How's he going to feel when older and dad just not aroud.

I appreciate your dh trying to build up the family coffers BUT it defeats the object if family are completely neglegected. Is is possible for him to set aside some dedicated time (even an hour) a day - where you can be together. The kids really appreciate it. Unfortunately, as dws we have to cope we do seem to compensate for absolutely everything!

Could you ask him to switch everything off from say 5-6pm - and have dinner at that time. Surely whoever needs to be in contact at that time can wait an hour? and if its consistent then customers would get used to it?