Hello everyone I need some advice... Where do I even start... in 2016 an old friend (from 10 years prior) got in touch and filled me in on what he had been up to since we had last seen each other... where he also informed me had recently became a father for the first time...I thought this was great for him and congratulated he and his partner... he informed me there was no partner and it was all a bit complicated anyway they where no longer together... He told me the story and I asked no questions as it had nothing to do with me I just congratulated them for being co-parents. He informed me this was not the case either and that she had issues with the separation and so he has started court proceedings to ensure access to his child on a regular basis as at that moment it was purely when she felt like it . I again congratulated him for his iniciative and father strength... anyway we kept talking for weeks and it sparked something between us.
I was living in a different country to him but we made it work and in time We took the decision that I would meet his little girl so he had a conversation with the mother and she refused and this without knowing even my name and named me herself with very colorful new names may I add. My partner and I were OK with this and waited then asked again and the reply was the same we offered to meet together to sit and talk about this she refused and said that she was her mother and no other person was concerned in her child’s life but her and the father. Time went on ( the mother was not nice to father during any of these times by the way continued abuse) by now we both made the decision and comitment to move in together( I moved abroad to live with him) and also the mother agreed to shared custody before they went to court but my partner pushed for court paperwork as back up because the mother changed her mind about things when it did not appeal to her so it was set one week with one parent one week with the other parent, so it was very hard to avoid not meeting the child and creating a bond even though the mother still refused to have her daughter meet me and have a relationship. Regardless it was un avoidable and I built a relationship with this little angel.
So here is where things turned very ugly, I was present in the car when it was drop off time.
The mother saw me and went wild started yelling calling me names and telling me to get out of the car and I would see ( I don’t know what) all of this in front of the baby girl she was about 10 months. I said nothing just shook my head in dismay... from this incident on I kept away physically and when the little one was (is) with us I did (do) everything I can for her
I am essentially a parent... this did not mean the abuse stopped it continued via text message phone calls and voicemails to my partners phone about me about us then she got my number and did the same to me so was essentially non stop to both our numbers - I blocked her! Not as easy for my partner You know why so we just ignore her now and answer once to see if its a child emergency if it is not we hang up (all which the court here in europe refuses to use as evidence for anything by the way... ) anyway moving on this abuse continued to both my partner and I (not even when she has new partners does this change)and continues until this day for example a couple of days ago she dropped off the little girl now 4 (with her new partner in the car) and hurled abuse at me yelled and screamed said she would hit me and all for nothing I just stood at my front door... I ignore her and said nothing as I have for years but Iam at the point of ‘what do I do now? This will never stop!’ Of course all of these incidents are in front of the child and I hate what it does to her, the child tells me on many occasions what her mother thinks of me ( negative stuff of course) but that she loves me and does not care about what her mother says.
I have tried to avoid her mother as much as possible but when she comes to my front door it’s hard to avoid it ...
I guess I need advice my partner and I are engaged, the little girl calls me stepmommy ( her mother hates it and tells her daughter not to call me that as I am nothing to her)
Regardless of all o this we are a family I care for this little girl as my own and love her just as if she was- I don’t have children of my own yet.
What do I do? I have kept a diary of all of the incidents also.
Many thanks for all your replies and please be kind- I am not here to speak badly of anyone just simply speaking my truth I have nothing against the mother and would love nothing more than to have a relationship even if just a simple text to see if the child was Ok.