Do you think men would be put off by my saggy skin as a result of a massive weightloss?

[FlatScreenTV01]

I have flat boobs and hanging skin all over.

@Otterhound

Are you suggesting it's unethical to end up in bed with someone when you have an imperfect figure? What do you suggest? Should we all carry around pictures of our imperfect bodies and say " just so you know , this is what I look like, you can if course run away now...."?

If they get on with a woman on a date, like her and she's willing to go to bed with them, no, they're not generally going to start poring over every perceived flaw and measuring her up. In that sense, they really are not that hard to please. You do not need to be a size 8 supermodel to turn the average man on.

Different strokes.

@Otterhound

No of course not. I was making an assumption the op was single and talking about how a new man might feel.

In an existing relationship it shouldn’t matter.

But I know from doing OLD women would swipe past me for being bald which is absolutely their prerogative.

I agree it’s absolutely someone’s perogative to rule someone out for anything at all whether thqt be their baldness , appearance of body or whatever however we can safely assume that to see ones saggy skin they have gotten to undressing ! Which means they have already expressed attraction or a desire for something more . And on your second point . Yes but in a relationship people also change . Particularly women are more susceptible to this due to being the ones carrying babies . So if your claim is that a person is still decent regardless of being turned off by saggy skin you can’t just say ‘ they are decent if they just saw you undressed for the first time however if your married and you had their child , and they are not attracted - then they are an asshole If your going to claim it’s not superficial for a man to want a woman without saggy skin then you can’t make special clauses because some men are wearing wedding rings .

[quote LongWay833]@Otterhound

Are you suggesting it's unethical to end up in bed with someone when you have an imperfect figure? What do you suggest? Should we all carry around pictures of our imperfect bodies and say " just so you know , this is what I look like, you can if course run away now...."?[/quote]
Exactly . Or do we all have to sign a contract to never change in long term relationship even if beyond our control

@Otterhound

and if you like them clothed and end up in bed there is always the risk you are turned off by their body or find out they have a micro penis.... Not ideal but unlike say baldness you cant make an immediate judgement call

Additionally otterhound , baldness would be no different to a woman or man having any other feature that some people may not find attractive. You’re unlikely to even know that they have excluded you as a potential partner as they wouldn’t approach or engage you as a partner in the first place if they are not attracted to . You defiantly don’t need to get undressed and then rejected . You have media FULL of bald men who are seen as attractive yet here you are still complaining Yet I’d love you to name women with loose skin and saggy tummies who are huge media stars fawned over by men similar to the way Michael Jordan billy Zane and many many other are . Having someone engage with you , express attraction and want to have a sex with you and then reject you because of loose skin is honestly one of the most superficial things I can imagine

And btw 0.6 percent of men worldwide suffer from micro penis . Hardly comparable to the loose skin most women have after having children or weight loss

I think we just have to think of it like battle scars, it's proof that you a real person who has been through experiences that you have learned from and given you stories to talk about.

Parts of society are obsessed with having "perfect" often youthful bodies as if it is possible to hold on to.

But most of us accept that life leaves it's marks, whether that's stories of accidents or child-bearing or a battle with health, or lifestyle. That doesn't mean everyone is attracted to everyone, but you don't need everyone, just someone who you are also attracted room xx

attracted too*

It really depends what you're asking about men being put off from.

If you're talking about seeking connections that are primarily physical/sexual, then yes of course a lot of men would be put off in doing that (though even there it's only one physical factor, and plenty of men may find you attractive in terms of other factors). If you're talking about seeking a relationship, then these kinds of physical attributes are only one factor, and also one's perspective on them changes.

At the end of the day there are some things we can't do anything about. Being confident about who you are, how you got to be where you are (by losing loads of weight, which is great) etc. is the biggest turn on.

I think, like most others have said, the truth is that some men will mind and some will not. And that's ok. Sometimes you just have to work with the world as is, not how we wish it would be.

I would say that according to some people on this thread I am pretty "shallow" and "superficial." In so far as physical attraction is important to me in a relationship and, yes, that attraction is based to some extent on looks.

Having said that I have been wildly attracted to a man who was very overweight. Normally I would have considered that degree of obesity to be a deal breaker, but this guy was so sexy to me - the way he moved, the way he was socially, his flirtatious confidence... my god. I just wanted to pounce on him. So there you go. By the same token I have known very conventionally handsome men who just haven't done anything for me.

My conclusion is: there is a difference between beauty and attractiveness. Very few people are conventionally beautiful. Work on being attractive. That comes from humour, carrying yourself with a degree of ease and confidence, being interesting, and making the most of the looks you have.

@chippypickledeggs , you don’t sound shallow or superficial at all . Yoh sound normal in thag you are able to see beauty in a wide array of people and don’t automatically equate conventional attractiveness with a requirement for you to be attracted
Would you for example find a man wildly attractive and want to sleep with him and t hen suddenly be turned off because he had a scar as the result of a surgery that saved his life or would you leave a man you married because he went bald because that’s effectively what I’m calling superficial . Someone who would decide someone is no longer attractive because of a life experience leaving some change on their body

No NomNom I can't imagine being put off someone I found attractive just because of something like a scar. It would be neither here nor there. And I wouldn't leave someone I loved and had made a commitment to because they went bald.

I would, however, (and indeed I have) left a serious, long term relationship because I was no longer physically attracted to that person. We became like brother and sister. That's no kind of relationship.

@ChippyPickledEggs

I was in a relationship like that many years ago — we became like brother and sister and you’re right — it’s no kind of relationship. In my case, it had nothing to do with his physical appearance. If anything he had got a bit better looking over time. It was more our dynamic and the relationship had become stagnant and that transferred into the bedroom. For me it’s all super connected. If one part of the relationship is off, the sex life gets affected very quickly. Sex life for me has more to do with chemistry and passion than particular body parts. I was with a stunning man once — he had done some modelling — we had zero chemistry & it just felt awkward! He was so shallow too so I felt like an exhibit instead of a person!

I think society is making people feel actual shame about perfectly normal imperfections, and I think it's pathetic. My husband actually has a couple of issues with his body that I couldn't care less about, but I was pondering getting a massage for us both and he said no, he would never be able to do that because he's not confident in his body (walks around naked in the house though which I love).... It just makes me annoyed that people actually seek to lower others self esteem as labelling things as undesirable, or worse. When some of us (hopefully most of us) couldn't care less when they are with someone that they care about.

@ChippyPickledEggs

No NomNom I can't imagine being put off someone I found attractive just because of something like a scar. It would be neither here nor there. And I wouldn't leave someone I loved and had made a commitment to because they went bald.

I would, however, (and indeed I have) left a serious, long term relationship because I was no longer physically attracted to that person. We became like brother and sister. That's no kind of relationship.

Yes agree, I’ve also left a relationship for a similar reason . It had nothing to do with appearances amd was more about the dynamics

@LongWay833

I think society is making people feel actual shame about perfectly normal imperfections, and I think it's pathetic. My husband actually has a couple of issues with his body that I couldn't care less about, but I was pondering getting a massage for us both and he said no, he would never be able to do that because he's not confident in his body (walks around naked in the house though which I love).... It just makes me annoyed that people actually seek to lower others self esteem as labelling things as undesirable, or worse. When some of us (hopefully most of us) couldn't care less when they are with someone that they care about.

This x 100