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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationship ended in a horrible mess

1 reply

GoingItAloneAgain · 30/10/2020 14:35

Hi, this is my first post on here so please be kind.

In a nutshell I have two children DS is 13 and I separated from his dad when he was 5. DD is 1 and relationship with her dad ended 6 months ago.

I can't go into explicit detail but our relationship ended very suddenly following police involvement and child protection issues. I was completely unaware of his behaviour (it was all online). The result of all of this is that I now have no contact with him and he does not see DD.

I am a fairly cynical person and I always felt like I would be able to cope if anything happened and we split up, but this is unprecedented! DD is never going to see her dad again and I don't know how best to handle this. Thankfully I am able to manage financially although it has meant that I have returned to work full time following maternity leave which was never the original plan.

My children are the world to me but I am surprised how lonely I am feeling. It feels like a relentless cycle of work, sleep, chores and weekends with no adult company and just trying to have as much quality time with them as I can to mitigate the guilt of seeing less of them in the week. I feel a bit overwhelmed with emotions at the moment, I am tired, angry, sad, lots of different things.

I don't really know what I am asking here. I guess I just wanted to connect with people who are in the same situation in terms of not having any contact with the other parent. Also, how do I make sure that I can provide everything my children need? My poor DD is never going to know what it means to have a dad and I am concerned that she is going to question this when she is older. Do I fell the truth, or at least a version of it? How do I make sure she doesn't feel like she is missing out when her older brother has contact with his dad and spends time with him regularly.

Any advice or insights would be welcome, it's a particularly isolating time for lots of people at the moment and I need to reach out for some support.

OP posts:
yesterdaystotalsteps123 · 30/10/2020 15:00

I don't want to read and run but give you a pat on the back because it's so clear your children come first and are your priority which means they'll be ok. Your dd will have other male role models, maybe a grandad or an uncle or even a teacher. You are still processing a lot and wonder if counselling will be helpful to help give you some space to process what has happened to you and your children

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