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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Struggling to cope ( new break up )

9 replies

Bitsandthebobs · 29/10/2020 12:58

Was together 15 years & to be honest wasn’t treated as well as I could of been . I ended it 20 weeks ago as I was called a ‘C Tuesday ‘ yet again in front of my youngest and it was the final straw for me.
He tells me he is going on his first Tinder date this Saturday whilst I stay at home with the kids and I’m so hurt and struggling with this . I feel so shit . I know I’m better off without and I don’t want to reconcile as the trust has gone from my side too .i feel so pathetic, I don’t want to be drowning in victim hood. But this hurts so much Any helpful advice please?

OP posts:
Wannabegreenfingers · 29/10/2020 13:08

Its shit, but it does get better. My stbexh left in February and is now living with his girlfriend who was the OW.

Time is your friend and I know that doesn't help in the immediate future, but by not going on Tinder dates and looking out for yourself and your children you are doing the right thing. My ex is amazed I'm not dating - no dear, I'm looking after our children who aren't ready for Mummy to have a boyfriend. Don't get me wrong on the 4 days a month he has them, I'm out there meeting friends and family and doing something for me.

Try where ever possible to reach out to friends and family, talking helps.If you can afford it a therapist. Be kind to yourself and treat yourself where you can, even if it is just a posh coffee or the like when you don't have the children.

I won't lie, I still have bad days, this week for no particular reason has been really tough, but I do have good days. I have my kids, a roof over our heads and a job. I have my health and the love and support of my family and friends. It's cheesy, but trying to be positive does help.

Just remember you aren't alone x

Original poster
Bitsandthebobs · 29/10/2020 14:23

@Wannabegreenfingers

Its shit, but it does get better. My stbexh left in February and is now living with his girlfriend who was the OW.

Time is your friend and I know that doesn't help in the immediate future, but by not going on Tinder dates and looking out for yourself and your children you are doing the right thing. My ex is amazed I'm not dating - no dear, I'm looking after our children who aren't ready for Mummy to have a boyfriend. Don't get me wrong on the 4 days a month he has them, I'm out there meeting friends and family and doing something for me.

Try where ever possible to reach out to friends and family, talking helps.If you can afford it a therapist. Be kind to yourself and treat yourself where you can, even if it is just a posh coffee or the like when you don't have the children.

I won't lie, I still have bad days, this week for no particular reason has been really tough, but I do have good days. I have my kids, a roof over our heads and a job. I have my health and the love and support of my family and friends. It's cheesy, but trying to be positive does help.

Just remember you aren't alone x

Thankyou Wannabegreenfingers.... so appreciative of you making the time to respond to my post especially when you’ve got a plateful yourself . Reading your kind words of support have truly helped me.

That’s how I feel the same as you . I have the kids to look out for I’m in no hurry to get a quick fix . I guess I’ve learnt a massive lesson to never let anyone treat me & the children this badly again x

OP posts:
Wannabegreenfingers · 29/10/2020 14:50

Not at all, were are here to build each other up, not knock someone when they are down. I feel I've bored my friends and family to death, but they promise me I haven't!!

I've made a few new mum friends through school who are going through the same thing, which has really helped, if only finding a decent man was so simple Grin

Original poster
Bitsandthebobs · 29/10/2020 16:55

@Wannabegreenfingers

Not at all, were are here to build each other up, not knock someone when they are down. I feel I've bored my friends and family to death, but they promise me I haven't!!

I've made a few new mum friends through school who are going through the same thing, which has really helped, if only finding a decent man was so simple Grin

Yeah that’s how I feel especially with one friend in particular I must drive her mad x
OP posts:
Puppylover99 · 29/10/2020 17:20

Whats a c Tuesday??
anyway it will get easier, i have been there and about to be ther yet again
Its boring & lonely but better than being treated bad...

Spongebob88 · 29/10/2020 17:22

Going through the same thing right now, been together for 8 years she said ow was just a friend was messaging her literally the whole of 1 weekend I watched her deleting she told me I had nothing to worry about. Come the Monday she tells me she does fancy ow and wants to be with her. She then tells me she hasn't been happy for years but never once did she tell me this said she stayed for my son 11 from previous relationship. Only when someone else was in the picture did she tell me. It's the worst pain ever the lump in your throat the pain in your chest can't sleep or eat. Some days are ok others are bad it's only been a month and I'm heartbroken.
Hopefully you start to feel better soon.

workhomesleeprepeat · 29/10/2020 17:26

Well done to you for breaking up with him! He does not sounds like a nice man.

He is talking about tinder dates to purposefully hurt you. What a horrible person he is!

If you are still in contact with him I would reduce it to email contact if you have shared children. Otherwise I would cut him off completely.

Take care of yourself OP, you should be proud that you have left him! Time is a great healer. Wishing you the best Flowers

Original poster
Bitsandthebobs · 29/10/2020 18:01

@Puppylover99

Whats a c Tuesday?? anyway it will get easier, i have been there and about to be ther yet again Its boring & lonely but better than being treated bad...
Thanks puppylover 99 ( c**nt) is the c Tuesday btw
OP posts:
Original poster
Bitsandthebobs · 29/10/2020 18:16

@workhomesleeprepeat

Well done to you for breaking up with him! He does not sounds like a nice man.

He is talking about tinder dates to purposefully hurt you. What a horrible person he is!

If you are still in contact with him I would reduce it to email contact if you have shared children. Otherwise I would cut him off completely.

Take care of yourself OP, you should be proud that you have left him! Time is a great healer. Wishing you the best Flowers

Workhomesleeprepeat . Yeah i’m all over the place like a pendulum one minute I'm in bits the next I’m suddenly ok as I know the years of egg shells & anticipation of the next trigger event have come to an end. We are stuck in a joint tenancy until next summer😞..he did suggest him moving out this morning after me explaining that I don’t know if I can emotionally cope with him so quickly going on dates. I just don’t want to see him getting all spruced up for his hook ups & coming back to the family home the day after full of the joys of spring that kind of thing . The kids are need of a few things at the moment too ,I know it’s his money to do what he wants ..but fancy lunches/dinners all add up. I’m grieving for the 15 years of hope that I gave that one day he would treat me & the kids better .Still I can’t say I never tried x
OP posts:
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