Single parent and dating

[Givemeabreak88]

anyone else a single parent and how did you manage dating? I am on my own, my ex has limited contact with the children and only wants to see them for 5 hours once a fortnight (nothing more and no over nights) so other than that I am with them 24/7. How do you manage dating again when you are on your own with children? I thought I would have to resign myself to being single until they are adults but it seems many single parents are still able to date and bring dates around when their children are in bed etc, I always thought that was a big no no but maybe I’m being too strict, I really don’t want to be alone for the next 10+ years I’ve already been on my own completely for 4 years and I’m feeling very down and lonely! Where’s ex gets to move on and meet as many women as he wants. How do other single parents date?

Its tricky I'm on my own too and have been on a few dates with someone while her dad looks after our dd but she hates me staying out all night so I don't do it. He has stayed over at mine once but that wasn't ideal. I hate to say it but I'm very envious of women whose ex partners have the kids every other weekend !

I don’t, I’ve tried it a couple of times but it’s pointless as I wouldn’t have the time to see them regularly. My DS doesn’t see his Dad at all so I’m either at work or with him.
Not sure I’d have the emotional energy to date either.
9 years single and I’ve resigned myself to it probably staying that way for good as I’m too set in my ways and not sure I could handle the bullshit that comes with relationships now.

How old is your little one,
You could arrange day dates while they’re at school?
Or have a friend watch them

How about having a Date once a fortnight to start with. In between you can call, text
Anyone keen to get to know you will work with your lifestyle.
Once you get to know him and want to see him more ask family or a friends, people are willing when they think a romance is on the cards.
I think delaying your life because of children is not fair to you nor is having any hard and fast rules once you get to know he is worthy ha.
I would recommend dating while children are younger usually they accept it easily and you are entitled to a life outside of being a mum.

I would never invite a strange man to my house - let alone when my kids are in bed. There are just too many different kinds of awful men out there, OP. You know this. You need to filter them through a gradual process of dating before you let them anywhere near your home.

You need to find some babysitters who can help out while you date. Plenty around.

I have found it hard and gave up as the logistics were impossible. Agree with pp that it was easier when kids were younger. I would get the odd babysitter or they would stay with grandparents occasionally.

I also think it depends on what kind of man you meet. I had one relationship of a year with someone who wasn’t interested in going out so would fit around me and my life. Then I had another relationship with someone who was always arranging things and I found that stressful as I couldn’t always make it. You need someone very understanding of your situation.

Also if you meet a lot of men online dating, they do put pressure on to visit you (for a shag) and don’t give a thought to where your children might be.

Agree with @nomdeplume2019 you can't put your life on hold or delay things

Thanks, that’s how I feel, I’ve been single since 28 and now I’m 32 I worry that I’m missing my chance. I know it’s not right to have men in the house but that’s what other single mums in my situation seem to do, or introduce the man after a month. Which usually I was thinking 6 months. I have 4 children so a baby sitter isn’t easy. Ex wouldn’t agree to have them if he knew it was for a date and his contact is sporadic anyway so couldn’t rely on him (he was absent for a year up until summer time when he started seeing them again) so not exactly the most reliable person out there. I’m part of a single parents group on Facebook so I guess that’s what had me thinking, they were saying either it’s stay single forever or they have to accept me and the children from day one.

Yeah I'd imagine it can't be easy, I wouldn't be happy as a bloke only seeing someone once a week or 2 weeks with no prospect of that changing, so for most blokes it would be a short term thing for dating as there is no prospect of anything long term so would not be sticking around and would be looking for someone who has more free time on their hands and at a similar stage in life to mine. Hope it works out for you.

I would love to know the answer to this too op.

Widow here, zero support. Went on a date this week in the day. Don’t know why really as starting a new job in a week so day dates aren’t going to happen anymore.

Talk online, use the child free time initially to meet, perhaps a babysitter. Then there's the option of encouraging clubs they attend together (if you have more than one dc) I strongly recommend church choirs as choir practice is usually on a Friday evening (added bonus they paid my kids to sing!)

I see my partner once a week because family have my kids. My ex only sees them for a few hours each week, never overnight. I thank my stars that I have my family. I wouldn't be able to date otherwise as I wouldnt use babysitters.

jimmyjammy001

I totally agree with what you said I don’t think most men (or women) would be happy seeing someone once a fortnight, it’s impossible to develop a relationship when you are only seeing someone twice
A month, I don’t really want something causal either (done the causal thing in the past before kids and it isn’t really for me!) seems it will be impossible then, I might just have to accept that I will be alone for the next 10 years or more, I have my mum but she never has all the children together as she can’t manage it, she will have one or two if I’m lucky.

I’m a single parent and agree that dating can be tricky. But it’s not impossible. Babysitters and friends can help out. It also depends on the man - there are lots of divorced or separated dads out there with youngish kids, and they’ll be more understanding of the situation than non-parents. If they’re decent dads, they’ll be having their children overnight like you so they’ll get it all. In my experience, it’s easier to avoid childless men who expect to head off for the weekend at a moment’s notice (not that many of us are doing that right now!) There’s no reason why you can’t try to meet somebody - it’s clearly important to you and there are lots of men around in a similar boat, who want to enjoy part 2 of their lives with someone. It’s madness to cut yourself off from the possibilities - if it’s something you want, you should definitely go for it. Your kids are important but so are you.