Sorry if this is long. I'm trying not to miss anything out.
DH has a long history of anxiety, normally managed okay independently with the odd flare up. Of course the current situation has ramped it up - in particular with his DM in a care home, working from home, and specific work worries (his employer is going through a redundancy process - unlikely to affect DH but obvious additional stress).
Since lockdown he's been very bad. He washes really infrequently, wears dirty clothes and is drinking a lot. He's always used alcohol as a self medication for the anxiety. He ticks all the boxes for classic depression.
He's been very snappy with me intermittently and bellows at the pets. He's fine with the DCs though they have commented when DH is being grumpy. After a recent episode of being really snappy we talked and he told me that he thinks we'd be better off without him and that he has suicidal thoughts - though he'd never act on them.
He won't seek help for the depression - he says he doesn't want pills but also won't contact his work counselling service. I'm scared and at the end of my tether. I've told him it's his responsibility to get help. He's tried really hard with the external stuff in the last couple of days (bought new clothes etc) but I know it's just papering over the cracks. Normally we weather stuff as a team but I'm not sure if I can hold all of it together. What can I do?