I have been a member here many years, but for the past few have just read the wonderful advice you all give to each other as I haven't felt strong enough or coherent enough to add anything.
I could use your help in my situation as after nearly 5 years post separation/divorce I am still second guessing myself over my Ex Husband, mostly to do with financial issues.
To give a bit of back history, we married young ( 24) I had my 2 children at 26/27. Before falling pregnant with my first I had been accepted at University to do my Nursing Degree, I postponed starting and was going to go back after my first was born. My first born was diagnosed with a disability in her first year, this decided the fact I would be a SAHM and carer.
Roll on 15 years together and basically what I thought was love from my EXH I can now see was verbal and emotional abuse, controlling. He basically left me a shell of myself. I don't want to go over it apart from relevance to my now situation as it makes me very sad, and I can see from here how common it is. My eyes were opened and I finally left 4 years ago.
He stiffed me in the divorce and I didn't have the strength to fight or knowledge. So I have struggled to live and work and care for these past 4/5 years.
We used to have 50/50 care ( this was only to get at me and limit financial options as his new GF/W looked after them, not him but the children have now decided they want to be with me full time.He met and remarried very quickly after we split and then they both tried to brainwash the kids into seeing her as their mum!!
At the time they were 10 and 8 and went along with it as such but now they are 14 and 12 don't like it one bit. However he is being horrible to me about it, saying Ive poisoned their minds etc etc rather than seeing it for what it is.
So.... He is a high earner, so is his new wife. He got our family home and has just sold it for over double that we paid. He runs a successful business that we built together ( I was bought out of both with manipulated figures, meaning I got a pittance) He refused to give me any of his pension in divorce and I agreed to 5 years spousal maintenance as he wouldn't budge on that either. Basically it was have this or nothing.
Because he runs his own business he has manipulated his wage to get the bare minimum and is offering me half of what I know his previous take home was. I know all his tricks of the trade and his lifestyle is far far beyond what he portrays on paper. I am of course very happy to have my children home with me, but they are not cheap to raise, especially when my earning is limited and I don't have the back up of anything else.
I just received another horrible email in response to my asking if this 'offer' was his last and I just don't know how to fight anymore. I second guess and question myself when he says Im being greedy, but Im not, its to be able to give my children a reasonable life. I am sick and tired of doing all the donkey work and then they are able to is it him and go to the theatre, holidays, days out , meals out etc and I am the one buying socks and pants and the essentials.
Im sorry if what I wrote is long winded but I wanted to give as fuller picture as possible. This whole situation still makes me feel sad almost 5 years on, and financially I am very worried for my future. But knowing he is refusing to look after his kids, because they have chosen to. live with me more , I feel I can't let go that easily.
I feel I should have turned to you lot ages ago, but like I said, I find this emotionally exhausting, maybe you can help me now so my kids don't lose out further?
I see how much you all help each other and really hope by trying to reach out, I can learn something I don't know to help.
Thankyou