5 dates with a guy. He's moving away for work. I'm a bit confused.

[Snailer]

Hello MN,
Keeping this nutshell size. If I can...
5 dates with a guy (met on tinder) (2 of them virtual but about 3 hours long) - met 6 weeks ago. Both busy with work & child commitments.
There's defo been chemistry when we've met IRL & had a great time & loads of texts telling me he did too.
He got a job which will take him to another part of the country from next week til next Summer (home some weekends)
He has lots to organise & has said a few times he doesn't know how he'll be able to plan everything. I said in a text he might want to take me out of the logistics equation- (tbh I'd be gutted but would get over it as only met 3 times IRL) - he said he has feelings for me & wants to carry on but this was a week ago.
Lots of texts. No suggestion of when we can meet/anything solid just lots of texts saying 'Morning!' And 'sweet dreams' and how was your day...
I've instigated every date so far.
My gut feeling is he's keeping me on the back burner and likes the texts/attention. Never suggests a phone call or anything more.
My gut feeling is usually very accurate.
Is this going anywhere? Any thoughts/advice welcome. Do men ever just enjoy the 'text life'?

[lubeybooby]

Trust your gut 100%

[Slothmomma]

My guess would be married too - the story about nipping back on occasional weekends is setting you up for sex when he can find an excuse to leave the family home for a few hours on the odd weekend

[HollowTalk]

Definitely married. No arrangements to see you when he's single? It doesn't make sense.

[JurassicParkaha]

Ditch. I've had this a lot, guys who text a lot but never want to meet. It's as simple as they're just not that interested. Back burner, like the attention, could even have a gf/wife - thing is you'll never know. The only think you do know, is that if he did like you, he'd be gagging to meet you and date you.

[Snailer]

So so grateful to everyone who's commented on here. You've all literally made me realise this whole thing has been a bit of fantasy.
I've just sent him a friendly but direct text saying if you want to be around someone you make it happen & that's not happening & I'm moving on.
Interesting so many of you think he might be married/have a Gf. That never ever crossed my mind.
There was me thinking I'd actually found a lovely guy. Self-confidence is a bit fucked again 😟

[ravenmum]

We are all desperate for a bit of fantasy at the moment!

[AnyFucker]

I think you need to step away from Tinder

You sound like easy pickings for the married/partnered douchebags looking for a bit of illicit fun on there

[Snailer]

@AnyFucker I'm so good at spotting them normally.
It's been a while though.

[thecatsarecrazy]

I would try and move on op. I'm going through the same myself. He's going to Sweden next week, he already lives miles away from me. We met online. He's starting to become distant. Less messages, not even saying goodnight anymore. He told me he fell asleep but I could see my message hadn't been received so his phone was off. I'm friendly if he messages but I won't message first anymore. It's not going to go anywhere, we have only met once irl.

[Namechanged1122]

"I've just sent him a friendly but direct text saying if you want to be around someone you make it happen & that's not happening & I'm moving on."

• has he replied, OP? I'm in a similar ish situation.... just feel numb/rejected.

[Snailer]

@Namechanged1122 sorry you're in a similar situation. I found it all quite soul destroying in the end.
yes he replied... his text was spectacularly shit. Which has made me feel so relieved.

[Coffeeandcocopops]

During these strange times I would ignore the dating apps and work on yourself and your confidence. Whether that is getting fit, eating healthy, online training, looking at new hobbies, reading, travelling Within the UK etc. I took up running and joined a running club. Loads of men and a good social life. We are all different but dating apps during these times will be full of married men looking for some fun and escapism.

[billy1966]

Well done OP.

Your gut is your best friend 👍, listen to it.

[Snailer]

Hi @Coffeeandcocopops - thanks for the tips. Already super active & love running too.
BUT I do think I need to focus on my main hobby & I'm grateful for the reminder.
I really bloody love MN 🥰

[Coffeeandcocopops]

Focus on your main hobby I agree. Do you meet new people that way or could you meet new people via your hobby? I know how you feel - I did the dating apps and did meet someone who I’ve now been with for 5 years. But 5 years ago was very different to now. It won’t be for ever.

[Georgeoftheinternet]

Put his number in Facebook

[Snailer]

Well after a pretty shit initial response text, the follow-up texts have been pinging away thick & fast.
I haven't responded but the general theme seems to be along the lines of 'What? Oh ok, keep in touch! Keep stroking my ego! I'm still here if you change your mind!'
So thanks MN. You massively helped me dodge a massive bellend-shaped bullet there.

[TwentyViginti]

bellend-shaped bullet



Let him ping away! I bet he becomes increasingly desperate as he's not getting his ego fix.

[scoobydoo1971]

I have done a lot of reflecting on the lows and highs of my life lately as had a bad accident that nearly killed me. This included thinking a lot about past lovers...anyway, the bottom line is if men really really like you, they buy a pneumatic drill to take out your front door. They are not shy in showing their feelings, and if you are in doubt...that is the inner voice saying 'Next!'.