Has anyone raised concerns about a partners weight with them?

[PregnantGrrrl]

I'm worried about DH's health. He isn't obese, but he is now a few stone overweight. He doesn't exercise at all, other than if i get him to come for a 10min stroll with DS, dog and me maybe once a week. He also drinks too much, and although he's cut back on fags, he's started smoking at weekends again.

His mother died from cancer, and his Dad is quite hefty. I am terribly worried that he'll end up with cancer, heart disease etc, and now that we're having another child, i worry even more about him ending up sick and about the kids not having a Dad.

It's not that i don't find him attractive anymore, because i do (although if i'm 100% honest, perhaps a little less), but i don't know how to raise the subject with him in a helpful way.

I don't want him to feel nagged or unattractive, i love him very much, and i want him around to enjoy family life. The thought of him having an illness like his mother is terrifying tbh.

Has anyone successfully brought the subject up with their partner, and how did you go about it / phrase it?

Could you tell him that you want to get healthy yourself and are planning to buy healthy, nutritious food and start a daily walk routine. Invite him to join you so as to give you an incentive. That will take the pressure off and he will feel less threatened by your idea.

Tell him that you want to set the kids a good example. See how it goes from there.

Who dies the shopping and the cooking?
Maybe you coulkd help him on the sly.
Get a low fat cookery book and make his favourite meals a different way iyswim
And do more energetic things at the weekend?
My dh is several stone overweight - probably about 4. He's always been that way and I do worry about him getting ill. He doesn't smoke or drink and the last time the doctor said his blood pressure is fine. Unfortunately to dh that means that he oesn't have to do anything. His downfall is bread and cheese. He is 5ft 6 and weighs about 16 stone I think.

Blimey, it's a can of worms isn't it? Do you eat healthily generally as a family? Do you do active stuff together? I think that it's impossible to bring up someone else's weight without being insulting, and if he hasn't decided himself to do anything, then I don't think it's likely to work anyway. Personally, even though I know that I need to lose the last of the babyweight, I would react very badly to DH bringing it up.

Wow, didn't realise I took so long to type, everyone else has had the same idea! Great minds eh?

My DH has done this with me, again I'm not obsese but could easily lose 3 stone. He is worried about me being generally unhealthy (to do with family history) and not exercising as much as being fat, although I know if he was 100% honest he would find me more attarctive if I was slim.
The stuff I find most helpful when losing weight are him being encouraging, so telling me I look as though I'm losing weight (even when I'm not) and reminding me that I have lost weight in the past, so can again. Exercising himself helps, walks we can go on together but he also goes running. I couldn't keep up and we have DS now so can't really run together but it reminds me that I don't do any exercise iyswim. I also see how good and healthy he feels when he's exercising regularly which motivates me. (I know you're about 8(??) months pg at the moment so that's probably not a lot of help!)

i do most of the cooking - he would eat NO veg if i didn't. He obviously eats at work, usually several white bread rolls with processed meats and cheese. I could prob give less on his plate tbh (and mine!)

what's on my side is that i am due to give birth v.soon, so will be getting fit etc again- i can't wait! I'm hoping to coax him out a bit more.

i told him i wanted to book him a total check up with doctor, and he seemed fine about it. i want him to get his cholesterol and blood pressure checked for one thing.

i just don't want to hurt his feelings. as much as he likes straight talking, i don't think he'd appreciate 'you're getting a bit fat love, sort it out!' He does know he's getting a bit podgy, because he makes jokes about it, but i think it's defensive thing, rather than him not caring.

should also add that while he is not dim in anyway, he is pretty clueless about food groups, exercise etc.

I think you just care about him

Same as my dh

He has gained about 3 stone since we got married. I have gained 2 but also have been pregnant twice.

dh & I had the conversation about 6 months ago. I said I was unhappy with my weight & I wanted to be slim for next yr as I graduate. I also told him I wanted a family photo done that day & would he help me lose weight.... he said yes & that he could do with losing a bit too

So now he goes to the gym/walks.. he has a manual job also which helps quite a bit.

I guess you need to talk to him about what he eats out of the home as that may just be what's doing the damage.

Maybe if he had the check up the doctor would mention his weight? Sometimes all it takes is someone outside the family mentioning it. Before dh & I had the talk, a relative of my sister's saw dh & I in town & said to him he wouldn't have known him as he had gained weight. I know this hurt dh.

My brother sounds like your dh though. His wife is a nurse & is always cehcking his cholestrol & his blood pressure. He is at least 6 stone overweight though. He eats sausage rolls, bars of chocolate. I even met him coming out of the shop last week with a chocolate eclair shoved in his mouth. We have all talked to him, diabetes & heart disease run in my family.... he doesn't listen.

You want to get to your dh before he gets as bad as my bro, as it is I'd say if he doesn't get his eating under control his days are numbered

Should have also said I joined slimming world & the food plan is very easy to folow & very adaptable for a family.

I have lost one & a half stone & dh has lost almost 2!!

thanks fireflyfairy

the last thing i want to do is be a nag and control him. we do food shopping together, and most of what goes in trolley is ok, but typically we buy 2 lots of bread (i have granary, he has white) 2 butters (one low fat for me, one not for him) i get skimmed milk, he gets semi skimmed etc etc. He's a grown man, and i can't tell him what to do, i know that.

i suppose it's deciding whether to be tactful and upfront, or to sneakily adjust portion sizes and coax him out for walks on the pretence of keeping me company. i'd be more inclined to be honest i think

i will go ahead and book him in for cholesterol and blood pressure check though, and perhaps someone will mention his weight to him.