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Relationships

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Break up because of different countries

6 replies

Emm14 · 27/10/2020 17:46

My ex-boyfriend and I have been together for over 10 years. He is from New Zealand and I am from Spain and we have been living in the UK for the past 6 years.
He has broken up with me 2 months ago because he wants to move back to his country, but he doesn’t think I will be happy there. We are in good terms and I have temporarily moved back to Spain.

At the beginning of our relationship, we lived in New Zealand for 3 years. It was difficult for me to settle there as I couldn’t secure a ‘proper’ job, had stopped studying and felt like I failed. We then decided to go back to the UK for 2 years so that I could go back to study and be closer to my family. It has been now 6 years, in the mean time I have finished studying and secured a good job.

Our plan was always to move back to NZ and settle there. A few months ago, we discussed our future plans and decided to have kids in the UK and stay for 2-3 years so I could be close to my family and then back to NZ. This was his suggestion and he seemed happy (Although a bit surprised he wanted to stay another 3years).

A few months after that, he has told me that we will never be happy in the same place and that he wants the best for both of us. He has said that if I came with him things will never be equal as I will always have to sacrifice, and that he does not want to take me away.

I have lived most of my adult life aboard, which I enjoy and have never doubted about moving back to NZ with him.

He says he does not want to travel anymore and want simple things. I think he is very homesick and does not wants to consider trying us over there. How can I try to convince him to give it a chance?

OP posts:
NetballHoop · 27/10/2020 17:50

Sorry, but it feels to me that he wants to move on away from you. I think he is (very poorly) saying that he wants to end the relationship.

Orcus · 27/10/2020 18:17

I think he's trying to let you down gently.

HelpMeh · 27/10/2020 18:23

I agree, he doesn't want you there with him. Whether or not he's being kind or taking the wimps way of breaking up with you, I cannot say.

Try to be glad that he's done this rather than break up with you after you've relocated or God forbid had children that you can't then relocate with.

FelicityPike · 27/10/2020 18:23

He’s telling you it’s over and he’s going home.
I’m sorry, but I don’t think he’s going to change his mind.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/10/2020 18:47

I'm sorry op, this is his pathetic way of ending it with you. He knows full well you planned on moving back to NZ with him, he doesn't want you to. He wants a completely fresh start.

widespreadpanic · 27/10/2020 19:50

An ex bf moved to California while we were dating while I stayed behind in Georgia. After a year of LDR I suggested me and my daughter move to be with him. Something I would NEVER do unless I was feeling secure and truly happy in a relationship. Well he made all kinds of excuses...”you can’t take your daughter from her friends and school” and “it will be so hard for you to find work out here”. I was surprised because I thought he would be ecstatic that I was willing to do that for him but nope. So all that told me was that he didn’t want me to be there with him and slowly our relationship died.

So I’m sorry OP. But I think this is subtle way of letting you down gently. He doesn’t want you to go to NZ with him. And There’s no way to convince him otherwise he sounds like he’s made up his mind.

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