Long term relationship after divorce

[Misty9]

If you don't move in together /blend families - what is it like?

I've got a newish partner who's got kids and I've got 2 dc under 10. At the moment I don't think I'd ever blend, for various reasons. But what does that feel like with regards to the relationship after a few years? Is it sustainable? It makes me sad to think that holidays and special occasions wouldn't always have your special other half there. That companionship feels like it wouldn't ever really be a possibility, not in the same way it is if you're with the father of your kids?

@jessstan1

You say it is a newish relationship in which case it is far too early to think of 'blending'. Just enjoy it for what it is, quite exciting in its own way.

Oh I know that, and I wouldn't even consider it for years even if I were to. It was more that I was wondering how the relationship might pan out if we don't.

I think this is wise. I can't imagine many children are ever happy with a blended set up, it seems more to do with adult wants than children's needs. I admire your stance OP. I think it's the best of both worlds your way, once everyone's happy with the situation.

I have a family member who did similar for years and years. Met her now partner after a messy divorce from an arsehole who cheated on her. Her DC were very young at the time (around 3 and 5) and she didn't live with her partner until her children finished university.

Her partner has one DD and they had plenty of outings and holidays over the years all together, but kept their separate homes. They're now married and live together and very, very happy. It can be done.

Why think so far ahead, Misty? It's possible to have a really good relationship for a while which eventually runs its course.

@jessstan1

Why think so far ahead, Misty? It's possible to have a really good relationship for a while which eventually runs its course.

I'm a professional overthinker - literally!

It’s very tricky. I think DP and I could have lived apart for longer - we thought it would be easier when the collective DCs were younger and in some ways it was but not others. We are not really blended either - we tend to do things separately with our respective children at the weekends, rather than all together, I am mindful that his time with his DCs is more limited than mine, and that mine need to me to themselves a bit. We do have a joint annual holiday which has got much more enjoyable over the years - the first year we did it, I cried on the way home and vowed never again! I think you could can live separately and still have a degree of blending, equally you can live together and maintain separateness if that is what works for you.