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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this it?

2 replies

startswithanL · 26/10/2020 20:57

Not sure if this is just part of marriage or something else hence me posting, just wanted somewhere to vent without being judged I guess...

Just feeling like my marriage has really fallen flat in all aspects really. We’ve been together for 7 years only married for 2. We have two DDs 5 & 18 months.

We’ve always got on, had a laugh had a decent sex life and level of attraction towards eachother. Don’t get me wrong we’ve had our rows but I have always felt that we have deeply loved eachother.

Husband is self employed and has pretty much set up his own business from scratch and is doing well despite the initial struggles Covid brought him.

Just lately feeling flat towards him, towards the marriage. I think he does too although he is saying not, his opinion is it’s part of marriage the ups and downs but it just feels very shitty at the moment.

He has always lacked affection I give too much probably he doesn’t give enough & it has been the centre of many a row. This is still an issue but now we also don’t have sex much either, we both have said we need to make more effort this hasn’t happened in starting to feel like I can’t be bothered. When we have been having sex maybe a month or so ago it’s not ended in orgasm for me and this has also caused rows as he just seems lazy.

No real financial issues at present although not made of money by any means. Kids are normal kids have their ups and downs etc but we aren’t lacking sleep or anything. He often works late we don’t spend much time together I work weekends for the nhs we have zero time as a four.

I am trying to work out what’s going on basically with us, so I like him being at home or is it just when he’s around the relief as he can help with the kids. Sometimes the thought of him being home is nicer than him actually being here...if that makes sense.
Another issue is we are probably the most stable we have ever been in terms of finances but we seem the most unhappy, he always seems grumpy but denies it then we argue. There always seems to be an atmosphere and honestly I’m just a bit worried and never have been before like this..
Is the love dying...does anyone have any experience of this?

OP posts:
Ikeameatballs · 26/10/2020 21:04

It sounds to me like a bump in the road rather than the end of the road.

You don’t seem to get much time all together or even as a couple? Is it all passing the childcare baton from one to another?

I think that you need to have an honest conversation with each other about what is hard at the moment and what would make it better, and there might be very little that you can practically do to change things right now but even just knowing that you both feel the same but are committed to each other would help.

startswithanL · 27/10/2020 10:04

Thank you....I really appreciate it.

We ended up having that conversation last night and some home truths were said about what is making eachother not like the other...

He said he is not ready to just let go of the marriage over the things I listed and neither am I we just feel in a huge rut right now with no way out.

We have both agreed we still fancy eachother but this dwindling because of the bickering and not enjoying eachother. I think the spark has gone basically...

OP posts:
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