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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Please tell me I'm not the only one with a dysfunctional family!

23 replies

Jzee · 14/10/2007 20:57

My mother died of an illness when I was a child and since then my family has fallen into something very dysfunctional. My father turned to drink and partying then he suddenly re-maried after a 6week romance. My sister drinks and has a relationship with a guy that has been known to two time her with prostitutes! One of my brothers is schitzophrenic- I've had to stop him ringing me in the middle of the night - my other brother is a bit of a drinker and doesn't like to go out. My whole family hound me for money like I owe them something. I know there are other people out there with families that are not 'normal' - where are you please cheer me up and tell me I'm not the only one!

Ps this is a very brief description of events.

OP posts:

Elasticwoman · 14/10/2007 21:01

Your sister can't be the only one whose man goes to prostitutes, or there wouldn't be so many "sex workers" making a living.

Anonymama · 14/10/2007 21:03

Am sure you're not. Sorry to hear you have to deal with so much cr*p from your "support network". Most families, even the ones that look like the Waltons, have their own problems and secrets - to a lesser or greater extent.

Hope someone will be able to come on-line and "trump" your set

NAB3 · 14/10/2007 21:04

I think you are amazing! Where do you get your confidence from? I def come from a dysfunc family and daren't post things less shocking/surprising on here.

I have been judged though because of my past, so maybe that is why.

Original poster

Jzee · 14/10/2007 21:05

Elasticwoman: true - but it's not 'normal'?

OP posts:

Original poster

Jzee · 14/10/2007 21:10

NAB3: Thanks - that makes me feel better and you haven't even heard the full story! I suppose the only way I have managed to survive it by putting a few thousand miles between myself and my family and creating a new life of my own which is alot more positive. It's hard though as sometimes the past comes back to haunt me and if I think about it too much I can get very upset.

OP posts:

macdoodle · 14/10/2007 21:19

Sounds like my family don't worry there are lots of us out here....you need to get thick skin and make you and YOUR family your priority

charliecat · 14/10/2007 21:22

Me too, my brothers schizophrenic, my sisters a bit nuts too. Theres a whole other half of family on my dads side who I have nothing to do with because we dont know each other. None of us kids have the same dad...oh its embarrasing and I wouldnt mention any of it unless asked really but never mind, you are not alone.

BarbieLovesKen · 14/10/2007 21:25

Yep!! me! (jumps up and down waving hysterically)

father raging alcoholic and violent tendancies - tried throwing me out a window of top floor flat at age one, also used to leave me on door of social services when was a baby. His family are definately dysfunctional - all hate eachother - father didnt go to his mothers funeral , havent seen any since very young.

Father has 6 children - bit of a stud - all different mothers - all hate him - none of us have met. Have one "full" brother who my parents adopted out years ago (before me)
I have lived with aunts and uncles who offered to adopt me, lived with granny, with my mother since age 8, alcoholic and completely irresponsible (but huge heart) raised myself practically. Mother MANY MANY men in and out of the house for years.. yuck - walked in on many in her bed - yuck. She cant pay bills, I have to carry her, have recently had to buy her house. I could go on and on...

phew, thanks - feel better now!! you ok?

Sushipaws · 14/10/2007 21:43

I used to joke that my family was an episode of Jerry Springer.....

My Mum had an affair with my Dad's best friend for ten years and only divorced him the week before her inheritance money came through. My sister has a whole drawer full of mental health issues, but she's mainly a compulsive obsessive, she's also passed most of this onto her 5 yo son. My Dad went a bit nuts after my Mum left and went off to Europe with a moped and a fishing rod. Came back with a wife, who is ok as long as your not black, asian, muslim, jewish, fat, gay.....ok she only likes white skinny straight people, so as you can imagine I don't visit much. My mum struggles with guilt issues over what she did and tries to buy love, she also looks after her brother who is unable to work and tells everyone he's a arristocrat but he's just strange and won't go see a doctor, so we have no idea if he's really mad or just lazy. Oh and forgot to mension my Dad's sister, she's a junkie and has numerous kids to different fathers all of whom are in care.

They all call me regularly and I thankfully live 2 hours drive from any of them. I just thrive on the prospect that my family with my dh and dd will be hopefully a bit more normal. I also regulary laugh at them all and think how petty this would all seem if we lived somewhere like Basra.

Be strong, we send you some dysfunctional love, just be thankfull your not mental too

BarbieLovesKen · 14/10/2007 21:45

sushipaws

"Be strong, we send you some dysfunctional love, just be thankfull your not mental too"

ROFL at this

Original poster

Jzee · 14/10/2007 21:51

Barbielovesken: Gawd - I hate to say it, but you've made me feel better! I feel lucky that at least I had a pretty 'normal' childhood up until when my mum got ill. Since then things went downhill rapidly. I know there are people out there with worse-in fact much worse scenarios than mine so I'm not feeling hard done by, but sometimes when I'm with a group of people and they are talking about their 'lovely' families I do feel like the odd one out. I'm sure you know what I mean?

If it doesn't kill us it will make us stronger huh?

OP posts:

Original poster

Jzee · 14/10/2007 21:56

Sushipaws: LOL !!! Very funny! How can you be so NORMAL?

OP posts:

BarbieLovesKen · 14/10/2007 21:59

Jzee - glad I made you feel better -

I can definately understand what you mean, sometimes can feel a little jelous or at times bitter not to have had the same?

anyways is better to put it down to what not to do and at least it makes us somewhat unique!! (I think?!)

Sushipaws · 14/10/2007 22:00

Barbielovesken -

ROFL too, I don't know know what the hell I'm talking about. One glass of wine and my brain stops working, got to get my tolorance back.

Actually my family aren't really that bad, they're a bit mad and selfish but thats about it.

newknifenewslain · 14/10/2007 22:02

They are normal though aren't they? Normal is what everyone is, and this ranges from sex mad lunatics to iron knickered nuns. Maybe not average, but certainly normal.

magnolia74 · 14/10/2007 22:03

I can't go into details but oh blimey mine are disfunctional and some of dh's too

I on the other hand am a very 'normal' level headed person
You are definately not alone xx

Tortington · 14/10/2007 22:04

dad was a safecracker after he was a grenadier guard for queen ( mot making it up) uncle robbed cars - both in jail - a lot. mum had paranoia and spoke to herself a lot - i was only child and used to listen to her arguments ..with herself! BiL has 7 kids 4 with an ex who was shagging in pub toilet - when dh walked in for a piss by coincidence. 1 of the other three is in care. Dh's other brother cries a lot becuase he is in so much debt he cant cope whilst his wife doesn't even get dressed during the day - no reason other tan shes a fat lazy bitch. he wonlt leave her becuase she says she will make sure he wont see the kids.

not so bad really.

Sushipaws · 14/10/2007 22:05

Lol Newknife, I'm sure even the most NORMAL people have the odd gimp suit in the closet or sometimes daydream about pushing thier husband in front of a bus.

BarbieLovesKen · 14/10/2007 22:07

whats wrong with having a gimp suit in the closet

(whistles)

newknifenewslain · 14/10/2007 22:10

Precisely! I don't know anyone who is so sterile that they would fit the inferred description of 'normal'. Maybe that makes me odd but I really don't think anyone would pass such a normal test. Just take what you can, give what you can and nobody will freak you too much with their gimp get up or their latest psychotic episode.

alittleone2 · 14/10/2007 22:37

Message withdrawn

Sushipaws · 14/10/2007 22:50

HaHaHa, just had my medically diagnosed mental sister on the phone, I asked her about this thread ..................... she thinks she's normal.... so maybe we're all a bit mad but we all think we're normal. Or maybe your only normal if you question what normal is. I think everyone has at least one loony in thier family, some of us are just gifted and get a few of them.

JintyMcGinty · 15/10/2007 10:15

Not alone! I name changed because I work in a professional job which could be compromised, but my dad is an alcoholic and is bankrupt who left my mother for a woman 20 years his junior. She shares his interest in drink and that's all they have in common and they'll eventually kill themselves with it, unless she gets pregnant (she wants a baby). I bailed out my (blameless) mother when the extent of my fathers debts became clear, paid the rent on a flat for my dad rather than see him living under a bridge with cans of super lager for company while he was being treated for cancer. My aunt stole £3000 and spent it on a boob job and a cousin fences stolen goods and goes wife swapping with his partner. My grandfather was a wife beater and was bi-polar and I have a half brother out there somewhere as a result of earlier affairs my father had. Oh, that doesn't mention the depression and eating disorders.

sooooo, you are NOT alone . I would like someone to point out where there is a functional family - not there are any 100% functional families!

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