My heart is broken. My dh and I had been together for over 25 years. He has suffered poor health for many years, but we have fought it together. I have been with him every step of the way, until Covid.
His consultant hadn’t seen him for over 6 months, until he was seen earlier this month. I couldn’t go with him, because of Covid, but they weren’t totally happy with the results. Then they called him back into hospital, for more tests. I took him to the hospital and dropped him off. I spoke to him later via Messenger Video and he was fine and talking about what we were planning to do when he came home.
Then I got the Call, asking me to make my way back to the hospital as he had taken a turn for the worse. I got there as soon as I could, but it was too late, he was gone. He was my soulmate and I have been there for him every time he needed me, until now, and the time he most needed me I wasn’t there. The pain in my chest is so bad, I feel like someone is squeezing my heart.
I am putting a front on and outwardly I am coping and doing all the things I should, but I wish I was lying in that coffin with him. I don’t want to carry on, I just want to fall asleep and not wake up, the light inside me is gone. I can’t understand how he could be okay when I spoke to him, but three hours later he was dead.
Everyone says it gets easier with time, but it can’t get easier, because the only thing that could stop me feeling like this is to have him back. He was the only one for me, from when we met I never looked at another man. I don’t know how long I can go on before I break, I am dying inside.