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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Broke up with dp today as he accused me of lying about phone network

49 replies

nittynorah · 14/10/2007 20:26

I went to a family wedding yesterday so my phone was off/on silent for a good part of the day. DP couldn't make it so he was texting me. Where I was sitting in the house, I couldn't actually send texts - no network so every now and then I nipped into the loo which seemed to get phone reception to check and to text back. Needless to say, the texts began to pile up in the ether quicker than I could get them. Upshot was, dp accused me of lying since he'd also apparently rang my phone 2 or 3 times but it didn't ring at my end or leave a 'missed call' message.

Fast forward to today and a bitter row on Facebook since he kept on accusing me of being too drunk to bother and have not havig answered one question . Having back through the texts, I was able to find the one he was referring to, so I fired off all the replies I'd sent yesterday again. In the end, I actually emailed Vodafone to ask about the network in the place I was in and also found the network coverage on their website which I forwarded to him. He still maintains that it's meaningless and he 'wants to test my phone' but he's not prepeared to travel to where I was - he wants to 'test it' where he lives! Which is 200 miles away so it seems a pretty useless 'test' to me if he's not going to do where the problem occurred.

What peeves me is that he kept accusing me of lying about the network even when a mutual friend stepped in to point out that mobile networks aren't infallible, calls do get dropped, texts can be delayed etc and also that he expected me to keep leaving a reception to get these texts when I didn't even know he'd sent them. Fair do's I expected a few throughout the day but I can't be expected to have a 100% non-falliable phone. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

anyway rant over but I feel really hurt by all this. He has now begudgingly admitted that he 'may be wrong' about the network but he still wants to 'test my phone' so of course I told him where to go. Or AIBU??

OP posts:

themoon66 · 14/10/2007 21:10

Stay broken up with him.. he's a nutter.

empen · 14/10/2007 21:19

He sounds like a fruit loop, tell him to DO ONE!!

Original poster

nittynorah · 15/10/2007 18:19

I've just had an email from him accusing me of being in a mood as I've had my phone on voicemail all day - to avoid inadvertently speaking to him!!!!! I'm totally flabbergasted at this. He was OOT at the weekend, pissed me off no end, and now he accuses me of this.

What part of 'you were in the wrong' doesn't he understand? Who wouldn't be in a mood? Now I'm incandescent [sp].

OP posts:

Carmenere · 15/10/2007 18:24

He is not really a dear 'partner' (dp) though is he? He is an immature manboy. Do you really need to wonder whether you have done the right thing?

Original poster

nittynorah · 15/10/2007 18:30

No he isn't and no I'm not.

Just wish I had a few cheap plates to smash now .

OP posts:

Niecie · 15/10/2007 18:49

To be honest I would feel like he was spying on me and I wouldn't put up with it if I were you. All this texting sounds like the sort of thing hormonal teenagers would get up to.

Why does anybody have to be in 24/7 contact with anybody else? Can you not go out for the day without constantly being in touch? This is no way to conduct a relationship so you are not being unreasonable to be upset with him at all.

I would refuse to speak to him in any other way other than face to face. Turn everything off and make him come to you for a proper conversation about where you go from here because you can't go on like this - but I think you know that.

What would he have done before mobile phones were invented - had you tailed at all times?! What a control freak!

warthog · 15/10/2007 18:51

thank god you got rid.

fawkeoff · 15/10/2007 18:54

just tell him to eff off and you're not wasting your time on a prick that acts like an adolescant.he sounds like a complete nob does he know that it's over????

MyTwopenceworth · 15/10/2007 18:54

This sort of man only gets worse. They end up isolating you from family and friends, making you totally dependent on them while they continue to abuse you.

Get rid and stay rid.

Original poster

nittynorah · 15/10/2007 19:48

The phone is diverted to voicemail so I won't be tempted to answer him if he rings (which he probably won't).

I'm ignoring emails as well - he's unlikely to have a reasonable discussion so I'd just be wasting my breath. I wonder if he'd like it in reverse though - the words bunny boiler somehow come to mind!!

OP posts:

yogimum · 15/10/2007 20:04

men who do this are usually guilty themselves! maybe he is judging you by his own behaviour.

Original poster

nittynorah · 15/10/2007 20:06

Funnily I used to be a bit of a text addict but only to friends I knew were in the mood for a gossip via text (this was some years ago!). Not if they were at a family do or not replying. I hate being bombarded with texts now since I find it hard to keep up with it all .

OP posts:

chipmonkeyPumpkinNorks · 15/10/2007 20:11

Paranoid and controlling. You're well rid. And don't take him back!

Beenleigh · 15/10/2007 20:16

How long have you been together? This sounds crazy. It's so trivial, and he's dragging you in to a trivial childish argument which clearly isnlt really YOU! If you're in the early stages of your relationship, I would worry that things are only going to get worse, and he's showing you his true colours. good luck

minorityrules · 15/10/2007 20:23

Don't take him back!

I was in a relationship similar few years back. I ended up getting paranoid and scared to not be at beck and call, to avoid arguments

Came to my senses eventually

(He's not called Brett is he )

kimibobbingforapples · 15/10/2007 20:53

What a prat, I think you are better off without him.

Original poster

nittynorah · 15/10/2007 21:28

No he's not called Brett!!

We were together about 18 months and had recently became engaged - about six weeks ago
! Not anymore though....

OP posts:

controlfreaky2 · 15/10/2007 21:36

nn, have you actually informed him that you have decided it's all over??

Original poster

nittynorah · 15/10/2007 21:41

Well I told him so quite a few times yesterday either via email or texts. I think he's probably got the message.... this one at least...

I'm not enjoying this - I wish I could wake up and things be ok . Why can't life be simple??

OP posts:

madamez · 15/10/2007 21:46

Stay away from him, he's either a clingy, whiny, needy little twat who wants constant mummying, or a dangerous controlling abuser. You've told him he's dumped, now ignore all contact and put him out of your mind (unless any of the contacts are threatening in which case you might want to hang on to them as evidence if he doesn't take the hint).

Nightynight · 15/10/2007 22:34

what madamez said. He sounds a bit like my ex actually.

I am doing a lot of testing of mobile networks at the moment, they are surprisingly bad where I am (Germany). It is perfectly likely that you could get the nw in one room but not in the other.

Original poster

nittynorah · 15/10/2007 22:42

Well it's pretty poor in my own house - I've moved when talking on the phone and lost the network! so it's not as though it's a rare occurrence. The network in this case only seemed to work at the front of the hotel - towards the back, it was faded away.

I went on holiday in Cornwall years ago and my phone was inoperable for most of the week (different network) as I was staying in a village at the bottom of a valley and it only kicked in when we visited Devon one day (just meant my parents couldn't ring me all week!). It happens - nothing is infallible. My sky box sometimes fails if the weather suddenly changes which doesn't go down well with dd but it comes back on after a few seconds! I don't like being told off like a disobedient child for something that is out of my control though.

OP posts:

controlfreaky2 · 15/10/2007 22:48

oh nitty, the phone working / not working isnt the problem is it? surely it's his attitudes and behavior which are the problem....?

chipmonkeyPumpkinNorks · 15/10/2007 23:15

nitty, you don't have to explain yourself to anyone! He clearly has trust issues. Best dumped!

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