Constant strops

[Muchadoaboutlife]

We’ve got to the point in our marriage where my husband is having constant strops and ignoring me or ostracising me within the house. If I approach him to talk it’s always my behaviour that’s at fault. Last night I asked him for a cuddle and he refused. He then took himself off to bed without even saying goodnight. This morning I was doing something with the kids and he comes in and starts trying to engage but neither me or the kids answer him. He has a history of ignoring me and I was busy so I wasn’t in the frame of mind to engage him at that moment. He then threw a strop. Again it’s my behaviour. Now he’s shut himself in his bedroom and withdrawn from family life for the day. I’ve suggested counselling but he refuses because there’s nothing to sort out it’s just on me to improve my behaviour. This lack of being able to rationally talk through issues without him stropping off has led me to have to take anti depressants for the first time in my life. Can anybody else relate? How do you get somebody to talk through issues and listen to both sides and forge a workable solution when the other party is in “stomp mode” all the time

How do you get somebody to talk through issues and listen to both sides and forge a workable solution when the other party is in “stomp mode” all the time

You can't.

He's controlling and manipulative.
Staying with him is damaging your mental health - I would advise ending the relationship. Life's too short to put up with such people.
You could have a lovely, peaceful life on your own.

Normal adults dont throw strops. As pp said, it is deliberate behaviour in order to control you. He isn't even mad at you, it's an act to have you sat about wondering wtf you are supposed to have done wrong this time.

Rin for the hills. This sort of shit only gets worse.

What a lovely example your husband is setting for your children! This is a horrible atmosphere for them to grow and develop in. You need to think deep and hard about the future of your marriage and protecting your children

You can't do anything because he has shut down all your attempts to communicate and he doesn't want to change. He clearly doesn't care about your relationship, has left you and the children mentally but feels entitled to stay physically. Sounds like he really should be leaving physically too to save you from all that stress of a man who doesn't want to talk. Perhaps you wouldn't even need the anti-depressants after that.

I have lived with a stonewaller and it's just impossible to improve anything when the other won't communicate.

It’s extremely distressing to be ignored

How do you break this pattern of behaviour

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

You cannot break this pattern of behaviour in your husband. He does this because he can and this works for him. He will not change, this is who he is

All you can do is remove your children and yourself from this situation. What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here?. This is no relationship model for them to be seeing because they could well go onto repeat this as adults in their own relationship.

What would your own advice be to someone in this situation?

Abuse as well is not about communication or a perceived lack of, it’s about power and control.

I would think you do not anti depressants in the long run, you need a divorce from him.

You asked "how do you break this pattern of behaviour?"

If you meant your behaviour - Why do you need to? You haven't done anything wrong.

If you meant his behaviour - You can't. The only person who can control his behaviour is him. He obviously doesn't want to stop stropping, because it keeps you and your children under his control.

Do your children a favour and get rid of him.