Feeling sad _ separated by lockdown

[Cafcesque]

Just that really. Have been seeing someone since February. We've been through lockdown not able to see each other, then have had a lovely few months being able to do things and see each other properly.
He lives in a tier 2 area so he's back in lockdown so we will not see each other til who knows when?

We've discussed forming a bubble but its tricky as he has vulnerable parents to support and so do I. I'm just fed up with this and not knowing when it will end. Possibly never.

I know it's been a crappy year for everyone and my problems don't amount to a hill of beans, but I just feel a bit sad this morning.

Someone tell me to buck up. I have my daughter with me this weekend so we can do something nice together. Need to get my head in the game.

Why can’t you form a bubble if you are in a relationship?
If you have vulnerable parents neither of you should be seeing them indoors anyway. Only outdoors and best distanced.
So the risk is the same really.

I think you need to sue common sense when you apply the rules and not just be irrationally scared of everything. Also think logically.

You can be in a bubble. Bubble’s risk profile is similar to a married couple. There are two people who either work from home, or work socially distanced. And following all the other rules.

No one is suggesting married people separate and not see each other. Why should you?

Yes. I don't know if he's overthinking the situation. He thinks he may need to have his parents move into his house as they're having building work done (timing).

Deep down I'm worried that he is using this as an excuse to distance himself. I dont have great self esteem as had a bad relationship before this. Nothing else points to this we talk every day he's been there for me through some tough situations but I think I'm just more invested in this. He tends to be very practical and his head rules his heart.
I definitely lead with my heart. I put everyone else ahead of me and it's something I know I need to work on.

Well - it’ll be a test of the relationship then. And you are better off cutting your loses before wasting too much time on him.

Tier 2 doesn’t mean you can’t see each other. If at some stage he uses that as an excuse - then just call it what it is and move on.

Forming a bubble is fine if you both agree. That's what I would do. Meaningful, fulfilling relationships are super important for everyone's health, they help our immune system and well being.

If you're worried about the increasing distance in your relationship, then talking about your worries should help. Naming your fears, processing them, in a nuanced way helps by itself - even if no solution is on the table as part of this conversation. Men often try hard to offer solutions so you may want to start your conversation by saying that you are not looking for a solution, and that you just need to talk and for him to listen.

Hugs and lots of love. Difficult times x

If one of you lives alone you can form a support bubble, that will get around ten tier 2 restrictions.

*the not ten

It's rubbish isn't it? Dh & I are living apart and have done for a while now. He is clinically very vulnerable and I unfortunately work in an area with high cases of covid and come into close contact with many people everyday.
Unfortunately at the moment there doesn't seem to be an end in sight!

I think I need to have another conversation with him. The one we had last night was very much around how frustrated he was with the situation and how he didnt want to put me in a position where I wouldn't be able to see my family. He thinks if we are in a bubble I wont be able to see anyone else even though I live in a tier 1 location.

Even if we aren't in a bubble we could still meet for walks etc.

Yes - I do think he is confused about the rules. Just as many people are, which is understandable.
You can be in a bubble with him and see your parents in the Tier 1 area as per the tier 1 rules.

But again - I can’t stress it more that people need to use their own brains and not blindly follow government who seem to be confused and being political.
If your parents are truly vulnerable - then they should shield as much as possible. So neither of you should mix much with them indoors, regardless of what government says.

But it doesn’t mean life needs to stop for you two. And - most parents would agree that it’s the most sensible way to go for all involved.

I feel for you Op. I was similar in that both tier 2 but I have kids so already have a support bubble. He's extra cautious just naturally. I was really upset about how it was all going to pan out but thought I'd just go for socially distanced walks. Actually we did do that but he ended up being more flexible and we did keep being affectionate though I don't stay over. I think you have to have a chat about what you both want. I made it very clear to my bf that he and my family were the most important people to me, that I wanted to see them both but I'd respect his wishes. I even bought myself a crappy anorak to do the future walks together! Just talk to him about what he wants and communicate what you want.

have had a lovely few months being able to do things and see each other properly.

I don't know how you managed that, frankly. Restrictions were lifted briefly but not for a 'few months'.

I don't think you should risk it, frankly. However I am sorry your relationship has been interrupted, I know it is hard (my son has a fiancee in America). You only met him in February though, cannot know him that well to be making such a commitment.

As you said, focus on stopping putting this guy and everyone else above you. At the end of the day, you don't even know him properly yet as you've only be going out for a few (and disrupted) months so you shouldn't even be this attached yet. Too much emotional dependency on your part when you guys are still only at early stages will scare him off too. It's normal to feel disappointed at being separated from someone you're dating who you really like but I get the sense you're almost seeing this early relationship as a validation of yourself which is a highway to hurt in the future.

I think he just has his sensible hat on, in that it's not worth risking his parents' health and lives for someone who it may not even work out long term with, especially has he can't be sure how well your daughter and you are avoiding being exposed to Coivid infection. That's not to say he doesn't like you, it's just that people comparing you/him to a married couple is not the same thing at all in terms of relationship stage. Of course if the two of you were married and in a long term committed relationship you wouldn't even consider being separated, you'll be in your on bubble unless in exceptional circumstances.

I think the original lockdown was lifted end of june and we've spent nearly every weekend and the odd week together since then.
It has been a slightly intense situation I think due to the general restrictions we both work at home so there are none of the usual distractions of work and commuting. I'm not able to see some of my friends die to the size of their families or their family health situations. As you all know this is not a normal year.
I'm going to sit back and take a break. I will get on with the diy projects at the weekends that everyone else seems to have achieved in lockdown.

@Cafcesque have you spoken to him about your feelings though. I am beginning to wonder how anyone can sustain a newish relationship during these awful times. I've been seeing my partner for 4 months and he says we can get through this but I'm just wondering how.

@Eesha no I haven't. I don't have much self confidence in relationships (another problem). I don't want to sound needy. He is typical man in that he doesnt discuss feelings (about me anyway) but his actions make me believe he feels a lot for me.
Eg we have spoken every day since march
He asked me to meet his son (which he had not done with other girlfriends) he has spent time at my house fixing things and doing decorating.
The problem with these days is you spend a lot of time alone overthinking things.