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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do I Matter?

7 replies

Prawnsma32 · 25/10/2020 08:21

I’ve been seeing a guy for the last 7 months. Everything seemed great and I really like him. We both have children from a previous relationship. We had the conversation about introducing them to one another, so we did. It seemed positive and they got on and we had a really nice day. Since then my children have been asking when they can see his again. He seemed to have pulled back and avoided making any arrangements with me to do anything else. We’ve since had quite a big disagreement. I moved house and it was a really stressful time for me, as it is for anyone. I told him that I felt I didn’t matter because he was in and out of female friends houses doing things that they needed doing. While I was left with no blinds up at the kids windows etc after he said he would do them for me. I was honest and told him it made me feel like I didn’t matter or that I’m a priority. It’s since come to light that he’s been taking one of his children to meet up with his ex, not their mum. A woman he was with after he split from his children’s mother. He’s lied to me about their friendship for 7 months and I can’t understand why he’s chosen to lie for that length of time. I’m very black and white and I don’t believe he should have taken his kids to meet her if he was wanting to make a future with me. There’s no problem with having friends. What hurts me is he’s chosen to lie about an ex, it’s a big thing. If I’d have known about his friendship with her I might have made my decisions differently in regards to him and his children meeting my kids. I might have decided that it wasn’t right or I could have postponed it. Am I wrong for feeling upset? Is there any sort of future with a man like this. Please help.

OP posts:
MozzchopsThirty · 25/10/2020 08:25

In a word no!
He's not putting you first
He's not telling you the truth

Move on, I would've put up with this when I was dating but not now after meeting a man who always prioritises me

category12 · 25/10/2020 08:27

Yeah, this isn't going anywhere.

Don't chase him, drop him. Understand the message he's giving you, that he's more interested in other people than you, and have the sense and self esteem to walk away.

Hesfamousforit · 25/10/2020 08:27

Secrets and lies are not the base of a healthy relationship.
Sounds like he is going to hurt you more of you invest more feelings in him.
Cut your losses and move on.

Sciencebabe · 25/10/2020 08:32

You can't understand why he's chosen to lie.

Because it's not something that needs understanding. He's doing things without thinking of consequences. He's not making any decisions that require you to understand. He's basically still single and doesnt have to explain himself to anyone. You're not in a relationship with him. Drop him dead and move on.

Prawnsma32 · 25/10/2020 08:50

I know I deserve someone who prioritises me and I keep trying to tell myself this. I feel such a fool for trusting him in the first place but he honestly never gave me any indication that I couldn’t until now. Before I got involved with him I was speaking to another guy. He was crystal clear with me from the start and told me he still has a good relationship with his child’s mother and that they still go out together on day trips. I was able to make a decision that he probably wouldn’t be right for me so I didn’t pursuit a relationship with him. Not just because of the relationship with his child’s mum (they both have trackers on their phones so they can see where one another is when they’ve got the kids) that put me off. But I respected him for being honest. I do keep thinking is there a way forward but I think I know deep down that I’d never be able to trust him again. It just hurts.

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 25/10/2020 08:53

Bin him, you deserve better.

widespreadpanic · 25/10/2020 11:59

The fact he was helping other women friends when you needed him would be enough to dump him. But seeing the ex would be the cherry on top.

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