Just feeling like I'm done with my marriage

[Cripesitsthegasman19]

I think there are too many differences between my husband and I for it to work anymore. He hasn't really worked for a year (gave up a decently paid job) so I'm paying for everything, mortgage, bills, food. Money is tight. He won't go and register with an agency for temp work and is just living at his overdraft limit. He does the school run and kind of the bare minimum to keep the kids going. I do a lot of the cooking and cleaning on top of a busy, stressful job. He applies for jobs in crazy places so it would involve an expensive stressful move, which I'd have to pay for out of my savings. We don't have a joint account and I have my own savings as a safety net because he can't manage money and just spends it all the moment he gets it. I'm so done with it all. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or financially controlling. Just feel like we'd be better off separating now as we have nothing in common anymore. But what would happen if he moved abroad or hundreds of miles away? Could he take the kids with him if I initiated a separation or would I have to live with only seeing them 50% of the time? I just don't think I could live with it. But I also feel like I can't live many more years shouldering everything in this house. Would I have to give him half of my pension and savings that I work so hard for while he just pees money up the wall?

It would be impossible to have shared care if he moved countries or hundreds of miles away, the kids would need to be with you close to their school. He would be able to see them on a weekend.
Has he ever said what custody arrangement he would want if you split?
I don’t have any advice about the pension or savings though, maybe someone else will be along soon to answer that.

Start by getting some legal advice. This will help you understand likely outcomes, which might set your mind at ease. And discreetly start to get your ducks in a row.

Yes he would be entitled to a share of your pension and savings etc. Everything goes in the pot on divorce and he hasn’t got anything.

I would say divorce sooner rather than later. I lost out in divorce as I was working in a decent career and exh didn’t work (didn’t want to.)

Careful if he's the "main carer". Aye you might be doing all the work but if he can argue he's a SAHD he might get custody.

I think I would try to ride it out in some way until he is working, someone may come along with better advice, but right now he is looking (from the outside) like a primary carer to the children while you are working and him not (although I do realise the reality isn't that he is a dedicated SAHP, and that you are still carrying the mental load and domestic tasks whilst he just gets the at stay at home part of it).

Could you be more encouraging of the jobs in fucking stupid places and help him find cheap digs near the jobs as you cant afford to all move together? the idea of family life just at the weekend and playing single bloke during the working week may appeal to him and would make you the more 'hands on' if you do end up splitting.