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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this controlling behaviour?

6 replies

Toastedsesame · 24/10/2020 20:21

Married 5y, together 7. We have 3yo son.

I have health issues and suffering basically 0 sex drive, no libido. Causes a lot of disagreement as DH has high sex drive. We went through a rough patch about 4 months ago, decided to structure intimate time to just on weekends, purely because we could never read eachothers moods and both take rejection badly. Was working nicely up until a few weeks ago.

Caught DH reading my old Mumsnet posts about the mismatched sex drive issue. In one old post I stated that I was seriously considering leaving him (I was, and I told him this at the time) confronted him about this, told him it was unacceptable and I needed an explanation. He blows up at me and accuses me of "airing our dirty laundry on the internet" and speaking badly of him to strangers... Yes, that's what anonymous forums are for.

Basically he never apologised and I refused to apologise for seeking/advice comfort online anonymously.

Now, he is back to pestering for sex a lot, huffing if he doesn't get it and then spitefully rejecting me on the odd occasion I try to initiate it (maybe once every 2 weeks) so we are at a weird stalemate and I don't know what to do.

I can't help but feel DH is being controlling here, but I would be happy to be told I'm wrong.

OP posts:
Mintlegs · 24/10/2020 20:24

You both need to work on this together otherwise you will both build resentment and hurt.

BigFatLiar · 24/10/2020 20:27

Not sure about controlling but sounds like you're both upset with each other and need to talk it out. It's understandable to lose sex drive if you're not well, it happens.

Sunnydaysstillhere · 24/10/2020 20:29

Spying on you? Did he access your phone?

Toastedsesame · 24/10/2020 20:33

He used our shared laptop, but accessed my emails and found Mumsnet links from there, he then googled my username and read all my old posts. It's not the first time he's done it either.

OP posts:
category12 · 24/10/2020 20:33

Sounds like he's punishing you and that it isn't really about sex, it's a power trip and about control.

I think your relationship might be buggered.

Sunnydaysstillhere · 24/10/2020 20:39

I would end it for that alone never mind his sex pest abusive attitude....

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