First time posting here, so please bare with me. I am a mother of 2 aged 11 and 7 both are from my previous partner, which ended 7 years ago. Last year I got married islamically to this most amazing man (so I thought) and everything was great. I once in my life felt like my children were going to have the family unit they deserve. My husband was great, so was his family even though their was a language barrier between his family he managed to translate for us to communicate. My husband and his family, accepted me and my children with open arms. Soon as we married, we starting ttc, 6 months in cracks started to develop, I discovered he had lied about a lot of things, some little and some not so little. I stupidly chose to stay, and forgave him as he was apologetic and was crying (all a act). Every time I would find out he lied again, he would get angry and say rude things, like if I came to him ‘pure’ he wouldn’t have to lie. He started turning everything on me. If I would question where money was coming from, as I was worried he was doing illegal things, he would tell me to shut my mouth, it’s not my business and that a woman like me (single mum of 2) should be more worried about kissing his feet for marrying me, than worrying about where his money was coming from. Talk like this destroyed my self esteem, I started to believe him and catered to his every whim. I lived on egg shells, which only got worse. Every month when my period would come he wouldn’t be happy, after a year of trying I visited my go who agreed to start investigating our fertility, there was waiting lists. A few months went by and his verbal abuse turned physical, all to which sometimes my children would witness. He had even kicked my front door in, in a state of anger, I didn’t call the police. I don’t know why. I was scared and believed I was worthless like he said i was. During the months waiting for our fertility appointments I tried to express my feelings about bringing a baby into this and he would just get angry, and ask me why I say easy had children with my ex partner but wasn’t willing to have children with him my husband. When I would tell him how he hurts me with his words and actions it always fell on deaf ears. My first appointment came around and I was taken for bloods and swabs, at this point, things were bad. The abuse wouldn’t stop just in the house, it would happen in the street or even the supermarket he would shout and degrade me in front of everybody. After my first appointment he left me, I was devastated, I felt everything what he said I was. Worthless. A few days past and he came home. He was sweet as pie, nicer than usual. It lasted a whole 2 weeks before he upped and left again. Again I was devastated, I couldn’t eat or sleep barely functioning. He had called me while he had left to say Talāq 3 times (divorce). I had to accept it, but the day later I done a pregnancy test out of curiosity, to my shock it was positive at this point we had been trying over a year. I called to tell him he said he was coming home straight away. He came home angry, not that I was pregnant, but still angry at me for what reason I don’t know. He came home with a list of ‘orders’ for me. That our child as soon born we would be moving with his family abroad. The list was endless. A few weeks have gone by and I can’t say there has been a day I have been genuinely happy to be pregnant again, he has left again and my eyes are wide open now, I see the abuse for everything that it has been the controlling narcissistic ways, the red flags where there, in so many ways I chose to ignore. But I don’t know what to do with the pregnancy, I have no family support and I can’t trust him to be involved, not with his threats, I will be a single mum of 3 with no support what so ever physically and financially. I am scared to go through with a abortion as it has taken so long to conceive I am scared this will be my last chance of conceiving. I am also struggling coming to terms of him not here, I feel so confused and any advice from women in similar situations would be great.