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Original poster

Dh messaging someone

17 replies

Iambeingduped · 24/10/2020 03:40

Name change for this. I can't believe this is happening. Dh has got cagy with his phone, jumpy with messages when I walk past, relationship has changed after many years, become seceretative and has face recognition and fingerprint access to his phone. I am convinced there is another woman how can I get in to check. He is ticking all of the boxes I have seen mentioned on other threads and I am heartbroken.

OP posts:
Norwolf · 24/10/2020 03:53

Sorry you are going through this. Even with face recognition and fingerprint set up, the phone will still require a passcode to be set up. You could try figure out what this is....

Or simply ask for his phone in the pretence of maybe wanting to google something....

Or if he is a heavy sleeper you could try access his phone then....

PermanentTemporary · 24/10/2020 03:59

Could you not just say that it feels things have changed and you'd like to talk about reconnecting?

Original poster
Iambeingduped · 24/10/2020 06:16

Would the recognition work if he was asleep? I think I am going to have to try this. We have already talked, he has blamed lockdown for needing to be in touch more by msg with mates. I never thought I would be here writing this.

OP posts:
yetmorecrap · 24/10/2020 09:26

None of us do OP, that’s why we get defensive at the ‘how dare you look at his phone’ type posts. Many of us have had this scenario with guys who most certainly aren’t ‘ladies men/players’ - and are absolutely gobsmacked to find the more reserved devoted type are justas capable of succumbing to the ‘ego buzz’ etc

IveGotFrills · 24/10/2020 17:30

Use his fingerprint to get in when he's asleep and add yours to the passcodes so you can access it another time.

Felicity88 · 24/10/2020 17:59

Be honest and ask him outright.

Or if you want to go full psycho detective mode:
•put a GPS tracker in his car
•use his ipad/laptop to get onto his icloud
•does he have an apple watch? Check it for texts
•unlock his phone when using a photo of his face from your phone

P.s if you're at a place where you do not trust the supposed love of your life and believe he would go behind your back and hurt you like this it might be time to reassess your relationship. Are you happy otherwise?

Felicity88 · 24/10/2020 18:00

Or are you unhappy and living in paranoia?

Tinghtwek · 24/10/2020 18:03

I guess if you're really sure, then you might as well just ask to see his phone. If he refuses, then you have your answer.

Of course, there's always the chance that he's not cheating and by asking to see his phone you will do more harm than good, but you seem quite sure he's cheating so why not ask.

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 24/10/2020 18:04

If he IS messaging someone do you have any intuition as to whom it might be?

Aquamarine1029 · 24/10/2020 18:08

I would confront him outright that you think he's having an affair and you want to see his phone now.

His expression and reaction will tell you everything you need to know. If he says he has nothing to hide, then he can prove it.

Amirite · 24/10/2020 18:08

I think face recognition works with photos so you can try unlocking it that way? I don’t normally say to snoop but if you feel something in your gut then go with it. It is seldom wrong.

QuesFrown · 24/10/2020 20:35

Try to work out the passcode - usually 4+ digits. It’ll be simple. His birthday? Or a simple sequence.

Original poster
Iambeingduped · 25/10/2020 01:44

Thank you all for your replies I was right, there is an emotional affair with another woman he insists its not physical. I did the face recognition when he was asleep. He has had to admit everything I photographed their messages. I am devistated not paranoid thanks to PP for your kind support. He has asked how to make it right again and he is sorry. I have told him to leave. Thanks again for the support and suggestions

OP posts:
Norwolf · 25/10/2020 02:14

Sorry to hear this @Iambeingduped Flowers

I am glad you followed your gut instincts, because most of the time, they are right. Take your time deciding what you want to do now and don’t let him get to you with his apologies. Time to put yourself first and let him understand you will not stand to be treated like this.

Hoping for the best for you Flowers.

Original poster
Iambeingduped · 25/10/2020 02:17

Thank you norwolf gut instinct really is powerful and unfortunately this time it was spot on.

OP posts:
Kintsugi16 · 25/10/2020 04:11

I’m so sorry 💐

Stillfunny · 25/10/2020 05:13

Yes he is sorry. Sorry he got caught. And about it not being physical , maybe because he hasn't got around to it yet. It does not matter anyway, cheating is cheating. Good for you for telling him to leave.

I am sorry you are going through this. I also had this and it is devastating . Hope you have support in RL .

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