Honesty or politeness when cooling a friendship?

[Ellebelle123]

A friendship I've had for a few years is coming to an end. I wont go into detail but since the beginning of the year, its felt more and more one-sided and I'm just fed up with doing her favours and being there for her through many dramas and getting very little back. I used to put up with it because she was good company but I dont even enjoy spending time with her anymore. We live close to each other and have mutual friend so we are likely to run into each other occasionally even if we are actively not spending one to one time together. Usually I'm a big advocate of honesty in life, so I feel a bit uncomfortable with the idea of fobbing her off with I'm busy excuses until she takes the hint, but I dont really see anything to be gained from telling her I'm fed up with her either. Is there another way?

It's very tricky! In my opinion you won't gain anything by telling her straight that you don't want to be friends any more as that is inevitably going to cause hurt. I would distance myself as much as possible, remain kind and civil but don't be available to see her, tell her you have a lot going on and haven't got much time. I know it seems like a cowardly way out but preferable to hurting her feelings

I think if you're going to be running into her then try distancing yourself. You don't want to make mutual friends feel awkward. I am a big believer in honesty but I also know it is wasted breath on some people. Just take the high road and avoid and distance x

You should distance yourself from her and eventually she will get the hint.

Distance yourself and say you're busy anytime she asks. Let things tail off. I thought it was the kinder thing to be honest... but people don't want to hear it because they are fragile and they may verbally attack you for your honesty! It isn't worth the hassle and bad feeling it causes you. Trust me on this!

I think the fact that you know you will bump into her is a massive factor here and I agree with PP's that cooling off and distancing yourself is the way to go in this instance. If you never had to see her again I'd say tell her the truth but I think you'd make your own life more awkward in this case.

If you cool it a bit, is she likely to ‘chase’ you to do stuff with her?

I agree in this circumstance you might need to start with polite cooling off.

It's not that hard to fob people off these days. Covid anxiety, vulnerable relative, bit of a cough, feeling a bit strange, taking some mental health days, catching up on WFH, online training commitment ...