How important should sex be?

[Fattynotfitty]

I can read my DP's moods like a book sometimes, he has a very high sex drive and is always initiating it and although I wouldnt describe mine as low it's certainly not as much as his so many times I have to say not now or I don't fancy it etc.
Just to add many times he does initiate it's not appropriate such as our young DC being awake and although he says oh she wont notice I can't be in the mood when she's awake wandering round the room 🙄 or I'll be sorting dinner to the point it will burn if I ignore it etc.
I am having ongoing period issues and have 2 periods a month of 7 days with very little time of not bleeding in between so we dont have much opportunity for sex anyway which is just as frustrating for me.
The difference in his mood when we have regular sex as opposed to when I've been unavailable for a while is notable and although I get its frustrating for him its beyond my control and I just think should it be so important in a relationship that its affecting his mood and in turn my mood cause I feel guilty and annoyed when we can't have sex too?

It Shouldn’t be the be all and end all. Frankly now he has DC he’s going to have to learn to be a bit more grown up about it.

Address this issue OP. Don’t just wait for your DH to initiate something then he goes off in a huff when you say no.

Sex is a big part of a relationship BUT not when children are present, awake, in the room or when you are cooking dinner. He sounds a bit sex-pesty tbh.

It should be mutually enjoyable and at a mutually convenient time.

To me it’s important but l appreciate life also goes on. 13 hour shifts at work, illness, stress etc have all intruded on my partner and l having as much sex as we would like. Him being moody and wanting to do it at inappropriate times aren’t acceptable

Sex is very important to most people. An LTR is much more likely to be happy and successful if both sides are satisfied with their sex life.

But, as with anything else in a relationship, compromise is required. As is communication. Being excessively moody if you can't have sex is a form of coercion and he is clearly guilt-tripping you. A loving DP should understand the issues of your health and your DC.

You need to sit him down and discuss a reasonable compromise - when our DC were young we agreed that we should try to go for not less than once a week. My DW was Ok to have it during her period - it's a bit messy but just put a towel under you. But you need to set out your boundaries and make sure he understands and accepts them.

I don't

What do you mean when you say he gets moody? How does he act?

'... to when I've been unavailable for a while...' Gosh, that reads as though you're a thing to which he should have access whenever he wants. Sex should be something you both want to do together, not something he should get whenever he wishes.

@TheSpottedZebra I know and that is how I feel sometimes, like it's part of a duty I have to fulfil for his needs.
He'll often make jokes about how he needs to have sex/oral regularly and I think in his mind when I'm on my period I should be offering daily oral to him to make up for it!

This doesn't sound right at all.
Sorry I can't share the thread on my app but I think you should read the thread on Relationships called Silent Treatment.
Sex should be a mutually agreed and mutually enjoyable loving act between 2 consenting adults.
You are not his sex vending machine. He CAN manage without it and he doesn't get to take his mood out on you. Sorry.

Quite honestly I'm happier than I've ever been now my sex pest husband has gone. Over the years the constant sulking, trying it on at inapropriate times (such as a country walk in the woods in winter) or when I'm clearly very ill really wore me down and made me feel like a piece of meat,.
I won't stand for it now - any man who behaves like that is out of my life immediately.
You certainly should not be coerced into having sex when your children are running around in the room or when you are cooking dinner it's absolutely out of order.
He isn't a teenage boy, he is supposedly a grown man with a family.

When you're on your period, he could GIVE you oral daily rather than bleat on about receiving it. He sounds a bit unsexy to me tbh.

Depends on a person.
For me, not at all important, i’m pretty sex-repulsed actually. Never want to have it, ever.

I'd buy him a melon. Seriously though there's nothing a bigger turn off than being sex pested constantly.

His behaviour is bordering on abusive OP, if he's sulking or giving you nasty remarks if you say no thanks.

This is no way to live. You're not here just to service him and perhaps if he cared at all about your feelings you'd perhaps be more in the mood more often. Otherwise he can just sort himself out, permanently.

He sounds like an immature, deeply unattractive sex pest OP and it sounds like he’s coercive and guilt tripping.

Why are you allowing him to treat you this way?

I think it's disgusting he wants to do it with a child present. That is not normal behaviour at all.

Sex to me is not important at all. I could never have it again - I have always been the same. However my DH wants it all the time (which I can understand to a degree!) but I get far more pleasure sitting down of an evening watching a movie or just chatting. He has needs and I forefill these for him but he knows I think more of the spending time togetherness than the actual sex . I hate the closeness of sex the sweatiness and the generally giving myself to someone else. I wouldn't say I am cold (some would) but affection and sex isn't important to me. I do worry however that one day DH may leave me for someone else who is happy to be at it all the time!!!

I left a guy like that as I decided we were no longer sexually compatible.

I’m peri menopausal. Not horny.

He was like a randy dog. Rubbing up against me while I’m trying to do dishes. Moaning and complaining about a lack of sex as though it was his Right As A Man Who Has Needs. Woe betide there was a dry spell for a week or more.

Fuck that shit. I have needs to and humping some horny, moody sex pest just to keep the peace isnt one of my needs and no way to live.

Read up about coercion and see if he does any of that. He sounds like he’s needing to reacquaint his hand with his dick and some bog roll. Like the rest of men when their partner has other priorities. He doesn’t seem to care about your needs only his own. Is that love? I’d suggest not. Just convenience. Sure he’s a keeper?

He sounds selfish and horrible, thinking his need for sex comes before the DCs or your discomfort.

I kicked my last boyfriend out because he tried to do the same while my DS was in the room. Grubby self-entitled creep.

“He was like a randy dog. Rubbing up against me while I’m trying to do dishes. Moaning and complaining about a lack of sex as though it was his Right As A Man Who Has Needs. Woe betide there was a dry spell for a week or more.”

Ugh. My ex was just like this. Always feeling me up. Could always turn any conversation towards sex. Would actually get angry if he was only getting sex once a week and if none for more than a week would get moody. Yuck. I don’t understand how not having sex causes such ugly reactions.

I am having ongoing period issues and have 2 periods a month of 7 days with very little time of not bleeding in between

Never mind the sex...but this would really get me down.

Some people have a very high sex drive and men particularly don't seem to understand that young kids being awake, doesn't set the mood.