Sadness about divorce and family separation

[Blurpblorp]

Three years since I discovered he'd cheated for the second time. We had two DDs 8 and 6 at the time.

I finished it and in hindsight realised just how badly he'd treated me for our whole relationship. I don't miss him. I feel much happier and lighter without him; without the strange relationship dynamics; and the way he made me feel.

For context, I've never badmouthed him to our DDs and am determined to keep it civil. They think we split as we grew apart and we're civil with eachother, can share tea and cake together when it's one of the DDs birthdays, pass the time of day when we interact.

But I have moments where I feel so sad and it's all so complex. Can anyone relate? Share any wisdom?

I feel sad for myself that I gave myself away to a man who didn't respect me and who lied, gaslighted and belittled me for so many years.

My heart breaks for my DDs who love us both and still struggle with us being apart.

I feel sad about the now-broken dreams I had.

I'm so excited about other things in my life, and in many ways leaving him has been such a blessing in disguise. I'm glad I got rid of him. But still get so many waves of sadness. I went past him on the bus yesterday and couldn't help thinking back to our wedding day and what we meant to eachother at the time.

Lies destroy families I know this.

When you daughters are the right age I would tell them the truth, not all the gory details just the bare facts truth. But not yet bit young.

So as for you, your wedding day, promises were made which you stuck to. There is no shame marrying in good faith even if it falls apart.

The future you are grieving was never going to happen with an adulterer. We all have relationship wobbles which rock our cosy bubbles.

So back to the present, he has taught you what not to accept, modern communication methods makes cheating easier and more accessible, if someone is going to look elsewhere they can now at the click of a button.

It's admirable you pass the time of day and share cake on the children's birthdays, you are the bigger person here I am not sure I could do that.

You didn't give yourself to a gaslighter you gave yourself to someone whom you thought was trustworthy.

So next time you have to share cake be the best you, light, caring, trusting, fun, dressed to kill!

Sounds like he has taken a lot from you don't let him take more, or any more headspace. He"s had enough.