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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Pregnant, unhappy in relationship, it’s a mess

6 replies

Floopyandtired · 23/10/2020 14:13

Please be gentle with me. I think this is going to be a long one.

I’m 30 with DS who’s nearly 3. My DP and I were going through a really bad patch when I fell pregnant and I felt obliged to give it a go because I was pregnant. My pregnancy and first few months of DS’s life were really happy, but when DS was 8 months old I fell pregnant again and had an abortion. We both felt it was too soon for another, I had bad PND and had only just started to feel “normal” again, etc. Basically since then, so for the last 2 years, things have been tough. He isn’t abusive in any way, I just don’t think we work as a couple. We’re polar opposites. He has many many good qualities, but he’s also lazy, pig headed, stubborn, totally dependent on his mum (she still makes his dentist appointments for example), immature and just not the kind of man I saw myself being with. He was 23 when we got together and a bit of a lad, but it’s like he’s never grown up. He went on a stag do recently and got in a fight because someone made a comment to his friend. We barely have sex because he’s just never interested.

The huge obstacle here is that I’m 8 weeks pregnant. He says he’s excited but I had a private scan last week and he wasn’t bothered about coming. That being said he is an all round solid parent to our son, he is a bit shouty sometimes though.

I just don’t know what to do. Have the baby and stick it out, or make the awful decision to have a termination and not bring another child into a failing/failed relationship. When I see my future, it’s not with him. It actually makes me sad to think this could be it for me. I’m just lost and can’t turn to anyone in real life.

OP posts:
popsydoodle4444 · 23/10/2020 14:18

@Floopyandtired

If you décide to terminate this pregnancy and leave the relationship then absolutely do so with no guilt or shame.How many women are stuck in shite relationships out of obligation?,loads.You don't have to be one of them.

Scweltish · 23/10/2020 14:25

That’s 3 times you’ve accidentally fallen pregnant op, what’s going wrong for this to keep happening? I definitely think that a termination and breaking up with your oh would be the best decision, if you could go through another abortion

Floopyandtired · 23/10/2020 14:28

@Scweltish first time I had a coil which failed because it had become dislodged unbeknownst to me. Second time I was breastfeeding with no periods back yet and naively thought I couldn’t get pregnant. This time was entirely my cock up. No pun intended.

OP posts:
Floopyandtired · 23/10/2020 14:29

@popsydoodle4444

Thank you for replying. I do feel guilt, so much, although when I had the scan I just felt nothing. I feel sick at the thought of bringing a baby into a relationship I know is doomed to fail. It’s a living nightmare.

OP posts:
something2say · 23/10/2020 14:33

Sounds as tho maybe you need to deal with this quickly then. Make a swift end to it, as it seems like a bad job x

OneFootintheRave · 23/10/2020 15:00

[quote popsydoodle4444]@Floopyandtired

If you décide to terminate this pregnancy and leave the relationship then absolutely do so with no guilt or shame.How many women are stuck in shite relationships out of obligation?,loads.You don't have to be one of them.

[/quote]
^^ This x 100.
You do have choices. Good luck.

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