Do you think this is wrong?!

[Redruby25]

Hi all, I have previously put a post up with far too much for anyone to want to read, and I only got a few replies. It was about my abusive father. And that myself and my young DS have been staying with them due to problems last year that's a separate post.

Anyway this evening my DS wanted my DM to sit on the floor to play blocks, and she had got up to sit down at one point, my DS is going through his stroppy terrible 2's-3's at the moment. So he will pull at you and tell you what to do. My father was telling him not to do that, didn't need to get involved as it wasn't him my DS was pulling, my DS yelled at my father to shut up, which has been mentioned in my previous post, as my DS has learnt this from my father, my father did not like that, well you reap what you sow. And said in a nasty tone don't tell me to shut up, and I just gave my father a stare, if I stick up for my DS I will get verbally abused by my father. My father was then telling my DS he will tell his daddy tomorrow when he sees him, as he has asked my exP(DS's dad to meet up) to discuss what is going on with us staying here, which he will also use the opportunity I am sure to make me look bad. He has said as I know already that they love the child, but not me and don't want me, sick behaviour I know.
What DF has done is almost groom my DS to build an emotional relationship with DS so that he sides with him, uses him against me then in rows or when I am sticking up for myself or my son.
My pathetic father will say ' I was talking to him(DS) not you' as though that means I should stay out of it 🤦‍♀️ I am his mother! And we are talking about a not even 3 yr old yet!!
Don't worry I am on the case as I have already made an application and am hoping to get somewhere to stay whilst my housing issues get dealt with.

I thank you all in advance for reading and just to remind me that I am not wrong for being upset that my father is telling my DS off for something that he learnt from my father.

Hopefully you can get moved out as soon as possible, it doesn't sound like a good environment for you or your son. Has your father been telling your son to shut up? Or somebody else? It's not good if he has as your little boy is only two. Is it possible in future for you to step in so your father doesn't have the chance? For example by stopping your son from pulling people, telling him we don't say shut up to people.

To answer your question, I don't think it's wrong to tell a child not to pull people/not to say shut up as these aren't good things to do, but with the context it's obviously an issue. Maybe you can get back in touch with your housing officer and explain the situation, is there a possibility they could prioritise you? Or are you able to move anywhere else at all?

Just to clarify, I obviously agree that your father shouldn't be verbally abusing anyone, I agree that you're right to be upset by this. And of course an adult telling a child to shut up is totally unacceptable.

@Kanaloa Hi and thanks for taking the time to read and reply.

Okay so to clarify, my father whenever he has been abusive and I have stuck up for myself or my son, he has told me to shut my big mouth amongst other things, but many times said shut up, and slammed doors, takes my son with him to look like the good guy, and make me look bad.
So my son has been going around slamming doors and saying shut up to all of us.

So earlier this evening was the incident I mentioned originally, where my son said shut up to my father, now in another scenario I would say he was right, but how can my father tell my son off, when it is from him that he learnt that??!! And to say I will tell your daddy, how pathetic.

I am waiting until the morning to ring the DA team I have had assistance from, as they did offer to tell my housing adviser to give me emergency accommodation a short while ago, and I panicked and thought oh god what will I tell my parents when we go, because I am so stupid and put others feelings etc first, when it is me and my son I should be thinking of.

If I can be placed somewhere tomorrow I am going, as I fear it is going to kick off here, I warned my father a week ago, that after a previous incident whereby he doesn't know I reported it, I was told to do so again if further events happened. I told him last week that I would report him, to which he said yes get them around here, I don't know who he thinks I meant, he said he will tell them I am an unfit parent.
So within a week of acting sheepish, ignoring each other, and him not starting on me, he has been very up and down towards my son instead, which proves him as what he is, an abuser, and also trying to get a reaction out of me, I now feel I can't step forward and protect my son through fear of abuse, which is wrong.

My father is now supposed to be meeting up with my ex(son's dad) tomorrow, my father does not know what has gone on exactly between me and my ex, but my father wants to speak to him about us and that we are living here, and that he loves my son but like, I am a problem blah blah, what are we doing about moving out etc. See to the authorities I don't think they match that up with DV as the abuser usually doesn't want you to leave or makes threats, but my father allowed us to come and stay for a reason because he is abusive, and it suited him.

He will get nasty if my son ignores him or he is not paid attention, very immature man. He gets nasty if you were to say no to him taking my son out, which I am no longer allowing, I think he has guessed that but I haven't said it recently in as much words. He also drinks my father daily so that adds to the abuse and he is not fit to look after my son properly, of course I will be told I have to say that, but it is easier said than done.

I just can't wait for this to end now