He messages at weird times

[Isobooo1]

Had a FaceTime chat with a guy on Sun eve and spent 2 hours chatting.

He asked me for a drink at the end of it but we didn’t firm up a day as both had commitments plus one of us is in lockdown!

He messaged straight after and we had some banter then has been in touch since then but always very early morning or late evening asking about my day etc / mundane stuff. Nothing against that but kinda think if we don’t get a drink soon things will just fizzle. Do I just leave it?

If one of you is in lockdown, how will you meet for a drink?

I guess he's working during the day, so could explain the lack of messages. Constant messaging back and forth all day is exhausting.

Is he definitely single? In my experience messaging at weird times can be a sign that they live with someone and can’t be on their phone messaging whenever they want. If he’s single though, you’re right you can’t sustain it with just sporadic messages. Arrange to meet or FaceTime again ASAP.

Does he have the sort of job where you can’t have your phone on you?

Doesn't seem like weird times, seems like outside work hours if he does long days. Weird to me would be work breaks and lunchtimes etc, not evenings as that's wife/family time.

In my very limited experience, almost always - married / not single. Texts before his partner is up or after she's gone to bed.

No def has phone with him. And 99% sure he is single. He asks questions etc but leaves long gaps between replying. Just a bit annoying really. Maybe will see what he does and if not a lot, let it fade...

Liked him but in my book an interested man will book in a date, sort things etc. He seemed to be keen at first but there is a lack of progression atm

Liked him but in my book an interested man will book in a date, sort things etc

We're in the middle of a pandemic with a lot of restrictions though . It's not as simple to book a date as it is in normal times!

But one of you is in lockdown. Why are you expecting a date?

I'd bet the farm he isn't single.

You're right, if he was keen he would be being more proactive. Are you the one in lockdown? Perhaps he thinks you’re not able to meet up with other guys right now so doesn’t feel the need to secure a date?

I also think that he's probably not single if he only messages very early or very late.

Unfortunately, we're in lockdown but my advice would be ASAP try and arrange a date, you'll soon find out if he's reluctant to meet in real life. If he makes excuses or cancels, dump

I’d also suggest you ask him to go for a walk or whatever you can.

Hmm so he has an intense job (finance/long hours) and also young kids (they are separated, i have checked!) so perhaps that is partly the reason. Has been working very late and actually messaged in the early hours of the morning recently saying he has had to work late. Always chatty and conversational, asks questions. He has always been in touch at least once a day to check in and continue the convo.

Yes that’s right I’m technically in lockdown although we agreed to meet for a walk / socially distanced drink when we chatted on the phone (he asked) but he hasn’t firmed up plans. In fairness it is tricky as both of us live about an hour away from each other and only go into our workplaces (nearby) once or twice a week. Plus pandemic / lockdown / both work long hours / he has children

I guess wait til the weekend and see if he firms up plans? If not, I will let things slide

I find endless messaging with someone I have not even met or had any shared experience with simply tedious...

You soon run out of things to say. I certainly would not expect to be messaged every five minutes when I am at work.

Either find a safe way to meet outdoors and take it from there or accept this is going nowhere.

Plus pandemic / lockdown / both work long hours / he has children and you live an hour away? Honestly, I think you should knock with one on the head. It's not going to happen is it?

I say that as someone who is single and looking - it's just so much harder now, you have to narrow your search (which let's face it, is hardly bursting with eligible men!)

I know that guys who are married / living with someone like to message early in the morning and late at night , when the coast is clear .
I get that he’s busy , but really ,too busy to send you a quick message during the day ?
You say you know he’s single , actually you only know what he tells you . I’d be very suspicious.
If he wants to meet up with you enough , tricky as it is , he will make concrete plans with you . If not ,it all seems a bit of a waste of time really .

I don’t think those times and weird if he works long hours. Lots of people like to just focus on work during office hours rather than carry out any social/dating type conversations.

Tbf @SittingontheRascal I think it could. We have similar jobs so don’t care about long hours... offices are nearby and actually when I said an hour it’s more like 40 mins. We could make it work if we wanted. He also only has kids half the time so is a free agent the remainder!

Also to caveat I live in a big city where it’s the norm to live an hour or so from people. Live about the from most of my friends! Lockdown is the key complication but that’s applicable to everyone. Obviously also he has children but I feel like the fact he has half the time means that half his time is completely his own.

Is there a reason you've not suggested a time to meet up with him, rather than leaving it hanging as a maybe for the future? Even if you're in a lockdown area you could still go for a walk? Sounds like he's just got a busy job and is messaging you as soon as he can.

Just suggest some firm plans to him. Why wait for him to do it? Either he’s keen and accepts, or he’s not, in which case you would have waited for a message that was never going to come and then wouldn’t see him anyway. If he says no at least you know where you stand.