Family wont accept my partner...

[Manda82]

Just that really. It's a nightmare. I separated from my H about 2 years ago. I am 38. Met my now partner and he is very very different to my exH and to the type of people my family are used to. He is ex military and can appear quite abrupt. I think they see him as not being the 'type' they are used to.

I'm happy with him. He's just so much more on my wavelength. He's massively a get up and go person. Loves to be out and about and I'm exactly the same.

My family are point blank refusing to accept him. They were very close to my H and I miss the type of set up I used to have with my parents and sisters. There is a huge wedge between us now to the point where I never mention his name in front of them or discuss any plans we make etc. This though has been taken as lies. That I am not honest with them. It's just that I cant stand the disappointment in their eyes whenever I mention him. It's not worth it.

I do understand that my separation has been difficult for the whole family but my exH has been with his new partner for 1.5 years now.

I'm at the point now where I feel that I have to choose between them. I can't see any other way out of it.

Has anyone else had these sort of difficulties?

Is he abrupt or rude with them? If he hasn't done anything to offend them then I think you should just carry on mentioning him, including him and ignore them

Thanks for the response. No he isn't rude to them. I think the problem is that he is very aware that they don't like him so his defenses go up immediately. Perhaps that does come across as rude on occasion.

I am to blame for much of this as i have tried to separate the two elements of my life. I see him and them as two things that cant mix because i cant stand the hassle. That's probably caused even more of a divide.

I guess it can only go on for so long though before i have to start standing up for him in all this...

They don't have to like or accept him. Just because you have a relationship with him doesn't mean they have to - as long as they are polite, there's not much you can do.
(if they aren't polite, call them out on it)

You say they had a great relationship with ExH. Losing that relationship is a bereavement of sorts. They didn't split up with him, and they presumably still care about him. If DH and I split up I know my DF would be devastated as DH is like another one of his children.

One of my extended family got divorced 10 years ago. He's had 2 live-in partners since. They weren't my cup of tea. I wasn't rude but we clearly didn't get on. I definitely didn't see nearly as much of him and his family with his new partner(s), and I don't think the rest of the extended family did either. It wasn't fun to get together anymore; it was stilted and awkward.

That was sad, but hey, people change and move apart. That's OK.

Would it help if contact and meetings involving you, P and your family were on neutral ground with something to do (walk in the park/beach/woods) rather than static in your home or theirs.