He hurt me but I can't seem to shout or show him I'm angry? Help..

[Kitkat912]

My ex has recently dumped me because he's emotionally unavailable. We fell hard for each other within months of dating and then when things got serious, he pulled away. He was confused as he was still thinking about his ex wife who he had a child with. When he first broke it off, shamefully I begged for a few minutes. Then, I calmed down and let it go. He's been texting, apologising and said he may be in the right head space in a few months, he needs more time to heal. I have responded in a kind, caring way telling him that everything is fine, I wish him well.
Behind closed doors, Throughout all of this, I have been crying, shouting to myself and friends but I haven't said a single bad word to him. My friends think I am crazy, they said I should be saying all sorts to him and telling him to F off. But I can't. I can't seem to show him how I feel because I don't want to appear weak and I don't want to further give him stress. What is wrong with me? I am usually so feisty and easily run my mouth. With him I can't seem to say anything bad. I'm confused

He's been texting, apologising and said he may be in the right head space in a few months

So he expects you to sit around waiting until he's ready to be with you again? Fuck that.

I don't think you need to swear at him or show him you're angry, he's been honest and if he isn't ready for a relationship then that's that. I think you should just block him.

I wouldn’t bother saying anything bad to him. It isn’t worth it. Moving on with your dignity intact is much better. Just block his number and move on.

OP, this sounds awful and he's dumped a hell of a lot of emotional crap onto you.

When I was younger and much less experienced I fell for this a couple of times and wasted years. I can tell you that these men never changed, never really matured, and always had ongoing issues.

Take those bags of crap out of your lap and off your shoulders, throw them in your mind-bin, and move on.

This was an emotional storm and it WILL pass through.

And block him.

Your friends have a point. Part of you must want to tell him to grow up and not be such a wet blanket.

He thinks he is such a good catch you'll sit around, life on hold, until the might, or might not, be ready to be an adult?

He has every right to walk away, to not be ready for a new relationship. But he doesn't have the right to 'park' you, expecting you to be exactly where he left you months down the line.

Don't send him anything. Just block him from everything. You really don't have to do any more than that. Look after yourself. Sod him!!

He’s sounds very selfish! How long was you together?

He said he doesn't expect me to wait around but if I'm available and single then maybe we could meet and take it slow this time. He said that if I were to ever give him another chance, he expects me to make him work for it. He said that right now, he can't get serious while he's still healing. I agreed that maybe he tried to move on too quick. He said he wasn't expecting to find someone so quickly who he would fall for. He said that I deserve someone who will worship me and right now he can't.
I'm not stupid, I know that if he wanted me, he would have me, like he has been the last 4 months we've been dating. I know that men are simple and you should watch and observe there actions, especially a man who's emotionally unavailable. I told him some home truths because he sat with me, crying, telling me how confused he is. I told him, you're not confused, you are grieving your marriage. Your ex wife doesn't want you back and you feel guilt also for your child.

We had such a connection so I won't completely block him out. However, I am going to go back into the dating scene which I should have done while seeing him, I should have kept my options open.

I just don't know why I can't be angry at him to his face?

I'm not convinced being angry to his face is so admirable. What will it help? He knows he's behaved badly and hurt you. Hurting him back by shouting or saying unkind things is just revenge and spreading the pain.

You are being dignified and managing your emotions appropriately, IMO. Lashing out isn't a virtue.

You are being dignified and managing your emotions appropriately, IMO. Lashing out isn't a virtue.

This but also block him OP. It's over now, there's no need to be in touch. Block him and move on.

I'd just ignore and move on. It's better to leave with your head held high I feel.

He's been texting, apologising and said he may be in the right head space in a few months, he needs more time to heal.

This puts all the power in his hands. That's why you don't feel you can do anything he might dislike.

Just block him on everything for good. If he finds another way to get in touch then don't answer and block again.

I'm not convinced being angry to his face is so admirable. What will it help? He knows he's behaved badly and hurt you. Hurting him back by shouting or saying unkind things is just revenge and spreading the pain. You are being dignified and managing your emotions appropriately, IMO. Lashing out isn't a virtue.

Not asserting that you deserve to be treated well is not a virtue (though a lot of us have to learn to assert our worth.)

As to 'spreading the pain'- he probably won't care that he's hurt OP or what she thinks much, otherwise he wouldn't be doing it. Besides, any pain he deserves. Why should she care for his feelings? He hasn't for hers.

There's no need to shout or say anything to him. I think your response was fine actually.

Now you need to block him and heal yourself. Life is about learning from experience and in the future, if a guy who has recently split from an Ex approaches you, be very cautious.

Hold you own and be dignified in your actions...tbh even if he can back now, you need to ask yourself if it would be worth it. You'll always be on your guard and considering they share a child, he'll always have to see her. It's more hassle than you need.