I feel broken :(

[Kaia20]

I really don’t have anyone to talk to right now but I’m such a mess I don’t know what to do.
Me and my husband have been married for nearly 7 years. I thought we were happy. During lockdown he became a bit distant and I just assumed that it was due to the circumstances and that he was worried about work and the future of his business etc. He went back to work, started working a lot more than he usually did and again I assumed that it was because of the current situation and he was just trying to get back on track. 3 weeks ago he tells me that he’s not happy and he doesn’t think this is working.. just like that.
I asked him what he’s not happy about as nothing has changed and he said it just doesn’t feel the same and HE doesn’t feel the same. He won’t tell me how, or why or what he’s unhappy with.
He’s always been great to me and is an amazing father to our children, I really can’t complain about anything in our marriage. We had sex regularly up until our youngest was born in January, then maybe once a week after I stopped my PP bleeding. During lockdown we didn’t have sex much but not my choice. Again I assumed that he was stressed. Sex is the only thing that has changed.
He was sleeping in the spare room and now he’s talking about moving out and getting a place nearby so he can be close to the children.
I just don’t understand and he’s not explaining anything to me, he just tells me not to worry because he won’t let me or the children go without anything and ‘I’ll always make sure you have what you need’
But what I need is my family in tact.
I know this will sound really stupid and desperate but I love him and I can’t even see a future without him. I was happy, I was always happy and I just don’t see where it’s gone wrong and why he suddenly wants out. I’ve asked him if there is someone else and he said no but not a very convincing no. I just don’t understand why he wants to throw us away. I don’t believe that he just woke up one day and decided he didn’t want to be with me anymore and I genuinely genuinely don’t understand why he’s doing this if there is nobody else.
I feel like I’ve failed as a mum and a massive part of me thinks everyone will just be better off without me now. How do I get through this?

So sorry op. It's an awful situation to find yourself in especially when you can't see a reason.
There's a few options here the first being - it's true what he is telling you. He no longer feels the way he did etc.
He possibly could have became mentally unwell, as you say you assumed he was worried about the future when lockdown happened. It could have led him to feel the way he does now.
And also unfortunately the option we see most often on here - there was/is someone else.
What does your gut tell you?
You can't force him to tell you but imo he owes you an explanation.

@Fuckityfucksake

So sorry op. It's an awful situation to find yourself in especially when you can't see a reason. There's a few options here the first being - it's true what he is telling you. He no longer feels the way he did etc. He possibly could have became mentally unwell, as you say you assumed he was worried about the future when lockdown happened. It could have led him to feel the way he does now. And also unfortunately the option we see most often on here - there was/is someone else. What does your gut tell you? You can't force him to tell you but imo he owes you an explanation.

Thank you for replying. I don't know, my gut says their must be someone else though at the same time I can't see him doing that to me. Like I said we have always had a good relationship. Or maybe I just don't want it to be that. He has/had a high sex drive and like I said he's shown no interest which is the one thing that makes me think their must be. Would he really throw it all away for another woman? I'm not the best looking and I don't have a perfect body especially since having children but we went through hell to be together and he fought hard for me, even going against his own families wishes, why would he just stop loving me?

Sorry OP he's met someone else
He's keeping his options open by not telling you in case it goes tits up
This way everything works out nicely for him

So sorry

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and yes, there is a high chance he’s met someone else, men seldom leave without someone to go to.

I think you need to start getting your finances in order, don’t believe he won’t let you go without anything, that’s just words to assuage his guilt

Do you have access to bank accounts, know his company finances etc, do you work?

He's keeping his options open by not telling you in case it goes tits up

Generally they don’t say because it makes them look bad and causes a lot of pain.

@MozzchopsThirty

Sorry OP he's met someone else He's keeping his options open by not telling you in case it goes tits up This way everything works out nicely for him

So sorry

He has, hasn't he?

I can't believe I'm so stupid.

Yes, it would seem he is leaving for someone else, I’m sorry

Can you think who it would be, someone he works with, a friend, someone he mentions?

@Bluntness100

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and yes, there is a high chance he’s met someone else, men seldom leave without someone to go to.

I think you need to start getting your finances in order, don’t believe he won’t let you go without anything, that’s just words to assuage his guilt

Do you have access to bank accounts, know his company finances etc, do you work?

No I don't have access to anything, My husband is Emirati. His accounts are all based in the UAE but our house is in my name. We don't have a joint bank account.

You are not stupid.
Men turn into sharks if another woman is involved.

You’re not stupid OP, don’t blame yourself. I’m sure you’re gorgeous, I know some absolutely beautiful women who men have left for someone else and it’s always baffled me. I have no doubt you’re an amazing mum also, he is the one in the wrong here giving you no clear explanation. No wonder you’re driving yourself mad trying to think of potential reasons why!
You’re not the first woman this has happened to and you certainly won’t be the last, I guarantee it will be nothing that you’ve done, it’s a problem with him.
Sending you love

Op. Do you work? Have you any money of your own?

You're not stupid OP

this can (and does) happen to anyone

HE IS STUPID

I just don’t understand why he wants to throw us away.
I hear you OP. These men are such rats.

Make sure he does 50/50 parenting so his new single life isn't so special.

Also op is the house mortgage free? Can you afford it on your own?

I think you need to assume he will pay child maintenance, and will probably support you for w short period, but you need to prepare to be financially self sufficient and you need to work out the finances

At this stage it’s not about understanding how he can do this, it’s about understanding how you will manage financially.

@MagicoRomantico

Make sure he does 50/50 parenting so his new single life isn't so special.

If he does fifty fifty this means she will also be entitled to little child support and highly unlikely to be due spousal maintenance either,

Hmm, I'm wondering if it might be to do with inheritance issues or other financial issues.

Have you converted to Islam? Are you're kids being raised Muslim?

Even then sometimes family members/elders will not accept a partner from a different culture/original religion as a valid partner (and kids the same).

He may be under pressure to marry again (with or without divorcing you) for eg inheritance reasons.

They may not even consider your marriage valid if it was not a Muslim one (I've forgotten the name of the ceremony).

Just a stab in the dark.

*your

The UAE and ME in general has a very very different culture from the UK/Europe, surface changes aside; there could be a lot of issues you are not party to or would not imagine.

You say he fought/went against his family in order to be with you (?)
I'm wondering if there's something going on on that front.

7 years on, kids etc. it's not all shiny and new .. and long-term financial things/inheritance/family connections might be more of a pull on him now.

It does read like there is another woman and the op hasn’t said if he’s a practicing Muslim or any other religion, and what law she’s married under. He could be Christian,

But yes, I’d wonder if he will try to take the kids back to uae if it came to it, it depends I think on the ow Factor.

I'm not the best looking and I don't have a perfect body especially since having children
No! Do not even begin to blame yourself. If there is another, it is most definitely NOT your fault nor doing. It's all on him.
You are not stupid neither. You simply trusted the person you love, the father of your dc - again you are NOT at fault here.
Can you put your finger on anything that stands out as unusual before covid hit? Him spending more time outside of the house or 'away' when he hadn't before. Making extra effort with his appearance?
How was he with you then?
Do you have access to his online banking etc....could you look to see if he's been out to restaurants/hotels/presents that you didn't receive etc
Could it be his family have been on at him? would he tell you?
To be honest if this was the case and what had driven his decision then I couldn't be with him now anyway if he's so easily swayed by what others say.

So sorry OP for what you are going through.
Sadly it does sound like a OW.
After seeing that Justin Timberlake cheated on Jessica Biel it made me realise that it doesn’t matter how attractive you are!
It’s time to put yourself and your child first now. Forget about him and what he’s thinking and why he’s doing things etc and think of yourself.
You need to sort the financial side of things out, have you done a CSA Calculator and Benefit Calculator?
Try and get some space away from him, keep yourself busy....go see a friend or take a long bath whilst he deals with the kids.
It sounds like it’s being going on a while and him still being in the home won’t be helping either.

Op I think you need legal advice first and foremost, to ensure security for you and your children. Your priority needs to be getting finances in place to support that, whether by you working, 50/50 split, selling house etc.

You are going to struggle to get a fair settlement if his money is all off shore, but experienced solicitors will be able to advise on this. Maybe he'd agree that you walk away with the house while he keeps his cash and pensions? (bear in mind that in the UK, as you are married he has a joint stake in the house, no matter who's name it is in - unless you have a deed of trust or other agreement? Again a solicitor can advise on your exact circumstances.)

Ultimately it doesn't matter whether he's leaving for someone else or due to financial or family matters. What matters is your future and that of DC. This is such a hard time, but you must be strong and concentrate on practicalities.

Bear in mind at all times - this isn't your fault. If tgere is an OW, he will probably tell you its your fault, you should have given him more sex, spent less time with your child, been a better cook, whatever. Its bullshit. He's chosen to fuck off, and he'd have made that decision whether you were a shining model of housewifeliness and sexy times, or a total slob with a face like a blind cobbler's thumb. Men (and women) move on simply because they want to. Look up the "Pick me dance" and DO NOT DO IT.

Do you live in the UK or UAE? If you live in the UK and your children have UK passports, hide them just in case. If you live in the UAE, perhaps, if he’s Muslim, he might be planning on a second wife? I met a couple of British women who became 2nd wives when I lived in the ME. If you’re in the uae I don’t need to tell you it’s a different ball game re parental rights. Good luck, but I’d try hard and not plead with him or do the ‘pick me dance‘.

Meant to say if you’re in the UK hide their passports whichever kind...though as I recall, my ME husband added the kids to his passport as he had all the rights as their father, though that was several years back.