Dating handhold

[lifeasweknowit82]

I met a guy online about 2 months ago who is 13 years older (I'm 34). We've met up quite a lot and in the beginning he seemed very keen, when I see him he still acts like that and I feel the same but our in between messages are quite strained and I think it's because I'm expecting him to say he has changed his mind.
He keeps asking me why I'm so quiet when I don't feel I have been. And tonight he told my I seemed wired - again, I've no idea why. I decided to try and stop the behaviour by asking what he meant and he just said it didn't matter. I said when you keep asking me why I'm quiet or wired it makes me question myself and I'm not sure what to say. He replied saying 'where did that come from?' and followed that he was going to bed so said goodnight. Up until the last week or so we stayed up either texting or on the phone until midnight-ish. I hate when things die down as I feel like I take it really personally even though it's maybe natural.
Please help.. am I overthinking the cr*p out of this situation or what's going on here? thank you! Xx

If he's making judgments this early on I would bjn him.

@noego thanks. It's just I've been on a few dates now and honestly none of them like me. I'm not being low self esteem, they usually tell me afterwards. It was so nice having this guy who seemed to really like me, now not so much it feels like.

Hi I agree if he’s being critical already it’s a huge red flag.

Telling someone they are being weird when they barely know you is very manipulative and I would steer very well clear. Loads of fish in the sea and lots that won’t make you second guess yourself. He sounds like a gaslighter from what you’ve said.

@ainsisoisje thank you - I really appreciate that input. Trying to work out if I'm being extra or not. I did try and find out if that was gaslighting behaviour to ask someone if they're being quiet - he's done it on dates where literally all we have done is talked. And then I walk away trying to work out how I was quiet... but I wasn't?!

Maybe your just not well connected rather than anything sinister, he could just mistaken by your personality as being off when your not or he's not paying attention to what you have to say, miscommunications like this is normally a sign that you are not well matched.

No problem, obviously just my opinion I’m probably bringing my own experience of a similar situation. My ex used to keep asking me if I was ok a couple of months in just during normal conversations but repeatedly like he wanted me to disprove his opinion that I wasn’t ok! And it was the start of an awful pattern. Hope that helps but I learnt that red flags are there for a reason!

You say it's nice that he likes you. And yet when you're not behaving or reacting how he thinks you should, that's a problem for him. He likes you when you behave how he thinks you should. That's not an issue with you. That's him being controlling and low level abusive. It'll get worse and that really will fuck up your self esteem.

I think I would take a more relaxed approach with this man. Im seeing warning signs .....

It’s a form of gaslighting. He’s making you doubt yourself and how you are acting etc. Maybe he’s testing the water to see how far he can make you question yourself. I’d get rid.