Made some new friends recently. How do I keep them going?

[Callardandbowser]

I fell in a with a group of my (now) husband’s friends when I moved back to the UK after several years living abroad. Over time, it became clear that although I really like them, they’re much older than me and I couldn’t quite be myself around them.
Just recently, I have made 3 new friends who I get on with really well, similar age/ class, similar political beliefs, quite cerebral etc. It’s been quite exciting to be honest but I now feel vulnerable. I want to keep the friendships going but I haven’t made any new friends for so long that I forget how to do that.
Obviously I don’t want to be too intense but I also don’t want to be too cool either.
Thanks.

Do you meet up often? Text, call each other?

I would just keep in touch through lockdown every few days and suggest lunch/evenings out when restrictions allow? I’m in local lockdown at the moment appreciate it may be different in your area.

I totally understand what you mean, and can personally relate to what you describe.

How did you meet these new friends? You are obviously doing something right already so I think the best idea is to continue to just be yourself (though I can see that being keen to develop these new friendships might make that difficult which is why you're feeling vulnerable.)

It seems clear these new friendships are mutual though - the shared interests I imagine result in animated conversations that they find as rewarding as you do. There comes a stage in any new relationship when people start to share more personal stuff. Are you there yet in these friendships? If not, and you're worried about seeming too keen or sounding too intense, maybe let them be the first to share something quite personal, then you can follow up with something on a similar level. Then I think friendships just grow organically from a spark of mutual shared interest when it's clear you've 'clicked' on a personal level. It just takes time, and meeting regularly helps to bond and integrate a new friend into your life. Why not suggest meeting up regularly like once a week for a walk, or coffee and a walk, or gallery visit and lunch, that sort of thing. Find something local you like the sound of (Yoga, art class?) and ask if they would like to join you. I think in the current climate it's especially welcome when a friend reaches out to you.:)

This is really interesting to me. I am waking up from a different situation the outcome of which is the same - like the older female character in the current TV series Life, I've compromised my personality right out of myself over decades and I now realise nearly all my friends are 'our' friends, all developed more to suit my married role and his friendship needs, not mine. I'm not sure where this is going for me but it feels a bit of a wake-up time...

Just put in a genuine amount of effort and never be two faced but it needs to be reciprocal for a true lasting friendship. Don’t fret too much or you’ll come across as too intense or needy. Friendship needs to evolve at its own pace.

If there’s a genuine connection then it will be easy. Just send a few messages every few days, if you see stuff that you think they’ll be interested in send links, see each other if restrictions permit.

I have made new friends in the last year and it’s been great and WhatsApp has kept the friendships alive.

We share recipes, home decor, current affairs, crafting stuff etc. It’s been quite organic.

Thank you all!
They’re people I’ve met through my daughter’s pre-school. So much sage advice here, thanks so much!

I'm watching this with interest as I'm hoping to make some new friends in the future but feel completely nervous about it. I am wary in group situations as I was bullied and ostracised as a teen. It's lovely that you feel you've found your tribe op. The one good friend I have, we have a shared interest and this has really helped, so I hope to meet more like-minded people - obviously when covid eases. I think I have possibly over-shared too early previously and possibly been too intense too early, in the hope of finding mutual ground. I want to find other friends, so that I am less intense with the one good friend I have, (I have a couple of other friends but we have less in common and aren't in contact as much).

I've some lovely friendships that I believe work because we check in every two weeks or so and really do gave good reciprocal conversations. I dont like to hear from people all the time, this way the relationships stretch over years. The older I get, the dearer they are to me. But its about picking up the phone every now and then, and having good conversations.