Emotionally unavailable farther to our son

[readyreadygo]

Has anyone grown up with an emotionally unavailable parent? Can you please advise me how it effected you and what could have been done differently?

I’m in a relationship with and just had a baby with an emotionally unavailable man. He’s a good person, is kind, caring (on the surface) and generous but he doesn’t share anything emotionally. He’s a closed book and NEVER shares how he feels and what he’s really thinking, doesn’t like to discuss anything difficult, doesn’t know how to emotionally support me and we never talk about anything in depth. Everything just feels so surface level fake and it’s starting to effect my mental health. I can’t live like this forever but I’m now worried that if I leave our DS (who’s only 2 months old) will be effected by his emotional unavailability in adult life. I’m worried he won’t have a farther to go to with problems and share how he feels because it’s like he just can’t hold space for anyone’s emotions let alone his own.

I’ve tried speaking to him about it but he always says it’s just the way he is and his father is the same. I don’t want my son to end up like him :( What can I do to stop this effecting my son negatively?

My df was reserved... never told me he loved me ever. Was physically reserved too, do no hugs. I knew he loved me anyway... he got up at 6am every day to make sure I was provided for, would drive to pick me up when I needed, would give me the last £1 in his pocket. He felt things very deeply, just couldn’t show it. So it depends on the message you give your child... if you are positive about dp, talk about the loving things he does in his own way it will be fine. But it sounds like you have an issue with his reserved position, which I completely understand. But you knew he was emotionally reserved before you had a child so why did you do this if it was an issue? I picked an emotionally demonstrative dh... this comes with its own challenges!

Not everyone likes talking about their feelings, or even has deep feelings. I doubt your son will be effected provided your both affectionate.