I’m so low and lonely, I can’t do this on my own

[PumpkinSpiceGirl]

I know it’s a hard time for everyone but I’ve had a lot happen this year on top of the obvious and I’m really not coping. I’m a single parent with a stressful job, have been working throughout as well as trying to sell my house. My divorce came through during lockdown and I was also dumped by my new partner with no explanation.

The breakup has hit me really hard, nothing has ever hurt me as much especially as I don’t understand why it happened. On top of grieving for my marriage, past issues and all the stress of this year I just feel at breaking point. I’m struggling to get through each day and just cry all the time, I put on a happy face at work so nobody knows anything is wrong but inside I’m lower than I’ve ever been to the point I don’t actually want to carry on at times. I’m so sad about the mistakes I’ve made and I’m tired of being alone with nobody to share all the shit or care if I’m ok. I just need a hug or maybe I need more than that, I don’t know any more.

Where the hell do I go from here? 🙁

Have you thought about counselling? I had toddlers when I split with my alcoholic abusive ex. It was devastating but time does heal. I was single for approx 3 years too after that. Try and get counselling and don't blame yourself too much. Life can be hard at times but it's peaks and troughs I find.

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to you from another single parent

It's very hard getting divorced and all the shit that that brings. Single parent and working is bloody tough but look at what you're doing, single and independent!! Wow you've got this far and have been stronger than you think.

Don't think of your mistakes as mistakes, they're learning curves. They're things that you know in the future that you would/wouldn't do, that will make you feel better and stronger.

You don't need a relationship to define you. You're amazing as you are.

You know, I found the break up with first dp after the exh much harder than the break up with exh.

You're doing loads of amazing things. It's hard being a single parent and dealing with work stress, without all the extra stress you're under. It WILL get better. There will be happier times.

I absolutely hear every single word you have written there. I am in exactly the same position, even down to the dumping by new partner with no explanation so I do think I share a lot of how you feel.

I dont have any advice I'm afraid, otherwise I wouldnt be in this position anymore but I wanted you to know you're heard and not alone

I have not experienced this so I can't offer too much advice, I just didn't want to read and leave the thread without saying you deserve happiness and you will find it
You have been able to walk away from relationships that don't support what you want in life that is an important skill and shows that you are stronger than you think.
Try remind yourself of your blessings, maybe make a list of all the things you are grateful for in life, I heard of people doing this each morning and it honestly does help alter your mindset.

Hi, I just wanted you to know that I'm in exactly the same position. It was like reading my own words. It's SO tough, isn't it? I'm trying so hard to grieve and heal from the end of my 20-year marriage for years ago. I don't think I ever really dealt with the grief and trauma of it all and this latest breakup seems to be one rejection too far for me. I don't want to feel like a victim, I have friends and family who live and support me and my lovely son. But it's not the same as having someone there when you're alone in bed at night. I'm trying to work on writing down what my boundaries are/ will be for the next relationship, if there is one. I suppose self- love isn't just about seeing your worth but being really protective and careful with who you trust to let into your world, and your children's. Sorry if this isn't much help, just wanted you to know that I am totally with you and you're not alone in trying to deal with the loneliness and pain, especially during this uncertain and scary time. Much love to you xx

Feel the same I was crying my eyes out on Monday morning getting ready for work thinking I can't do this anymore.

It is a really hard time for everyone which I think makes it so much harder for people who have the extra stresses that you are facing.

In your shoes I think I’d start with a visit to your gp. Then I’d really focus on my health. It’s coming into winter so look at vitamin D to help your mood. Make a list of things you can do for your health and try to do one of those things each day. Things like spending 5 minutes just breathing deeply, a glass of water first thing in the morning, taking your DC for a walk
Forget about relationships for now. When you are feeling low and vulnerable you’re more likely to attract the predators and abusers.

Make another list of things that make you happy and do one of those a day. Eg dance to a song, a specialist coffee.

And finally give yourself a break. You are dealing with a lot. It is a really tough time in your life. Remember no feeling is final. You can get through this.

Have you thought about talking too your mum/dad/siblings or other family members for comfort and support?

Perhaps you should see your GP at this point, you seem to have an awful lot on your plate at the moment and you aren’t coping.
Do you have anyone you can talk to? or perhaps you’ve done that and it hasn’t helped? I don’t particularly find talking about my worries helps, because the problem itself remains if that makes sense.

Thank you for taking the time to reply, I hate feeling this way but can’t motivate myself to do much more than exist at the moment.

@PositiveLife it’s completely devastated me which I don’t understand, I was with him for 18 months, with my exh for 20. Why should it hurt so much more?

@TheresGotToBeMoreToLife I’m so sorry you’re going through similar, it’s horrible isn’t it

@littlebadger38 The same to you Don’t know about you but I’ve never felt so alone. I’m all for being strong and independent but there are times (especially at the moment) when you miss the comfort of a hug or a loving text or just some adult company so much 🙁

@lollipoprainbow (I love your username) Hang in there. Is there anything you want to talk about on here if you can’t irl?

I’m lucky I’ve got a few close friends/family I can talk to but only my best friend really knows how low I am, she’s coming to see me today bless her, I think she’s worried. I’m reluctant to see a GP as I know they’ll suggest antidepressants and I don’t want to take them - I was on them before (ironically when I was with the loser who dumped me) and I’d rather not start again. Counselling might be good - I’ve got so much unresolved stuff from the past and I know it’s all connected, I have awful nightmares which are clearly trying to tell me something.

I sort of know what I need to do to get myself sorted but I can’t make myself do it. Just getting through the day, appearing professional at work and ok in front of my DD as I don’t want to worry her is as much as I can manage. The nights when I’m sitting here on my own knowing that everyone else close to me is with the person they love just tip me over the edge. It’s too hard doing it all on your own.

@PumpkinSpiceGirl it's hard because I don't have much close family anymore, I lost my dad at 14, my lovely sister died four years ago and my mum (who was my absolute best friend and rock) is in a home in the final stages of dementia I have a brother but he isn't the sort of man that talks about feelings/problems! I don't have any close friends that I can open up to really. So it is just me and my 8 year old dd who has suspected ASD so she can be hard work much as I adore her. I met someone back in February who I really like but he seems to be losing interest (you might have seen my many posts about this on here!!) So life is hard. Looking back at what I've written it's a wonder I can still function daily !! I was on the verge of going to the Gp to get signed off work but I always just soldier on. Thanks for listening x

Hi again OP. It’s good to hear you have close friends you can talk to.
I think counselling would be a great idea.

Another couple of ideas to suggest. I’ve seen acupuncture for stress recommended on here. I’ve used it for other things and found it really helpful. Also yoga. Try yoga with Adrienne on ytube. It’s free and she has specific sessions aimed at relieving stress and also to assist you to sleep. Some are as short as 10 minutes. You may have to wait awhile before being able to get an appointment with a counsellor so this could help to tide you over.

You sound really self aware and motivated to help yourself so that’s a great start. Best wishes

Been there and learnt it is never wise to start dating too soon after a divorce. Your still not recovered emotionally and then you get the double of whammy of grief if your next realationship fails.
It seems like a good idea at the time, but in reality it is a distraction as in burying your head in the sand.
Trite as it sounds, time is a great healer and you will heal. Be kind to yourself.

@Rainbowqueeen
"When you are feeling low and vunerable you are more likely to meet the predators and abusers"
This. Well said Rainbowqueen

Hi OP.
Just to say I feel your pain. I had a brutal divorce, had to sell house and move during lockdown, both DC diagnosed with special needs and moved school after divorce. I met someone and it ended and to echo a PP that hurt more. Another poster has recommended yoga with Adrienne, I would highly recommend that, there is a really good episode called yoga for self love which is only about 10 mins but helpful. Also the calm app is great. I listen for 10 mins every night. And if you can afford counselling do it immediately. Otherwise see your GP and get on the waiting list. Please don’t think there is anything wrong with you or beat yourself up - show some compassion towards yourself. What would you say to yourself if you were talking to a friend in the same boat? You’d show compassion and love and care - do the same to yourself. You’ve been through a lot. It’s ok to be alone. You will get there.