Adoption Agencies

[malehere27]

Hello I am male but im not sure where to right this. Now I have just been diagnosed with cancer which will affect my fertility. I found out my sperm count was low but also have another problem. Now I am single at the moment but If I ever wanted to adopt will I have my records checked. back in 2009 I looked on my patient records and it says aggressive behaviour and I had to go to hospital for that, plus also that i am suffering from depression.

If I wanted to adopt will that affect me, I am in a better state of mind now but of course then I didn't have cancer

If you adopt then due diligence will be done, as it well should. Your best bet is to contact adoption agencies (depending on which country you live in this will be independent agencies or national authorities / local authorities) and ask them as you should want to be totally open rather than worried about past incidents stopping you adopting. I'm adopted (though I'm an adult now) and know that researching prospective parents' backgrounds is vital to place children in suitable, healthy environments. If you're trying to hide things about your past then you aren't a suitable candidate.

No I am not trying to hide things but that behaviour was because in the past I wasn't able to open up about things if that makes sense and I was in a very bad place which I am not now. Its not my fault that I now have cancer which is going to affect my fatality but I would like to become a parent in the future somehow

I think you should just focus on getting better. Spend this time changing your habits to ensure that you are as healthy - mentally and physically - as possible by the time you finish your treatment.

When you are cancer free for five years, you are in the clear but you won't be allowed to adopt until then because they won't give a child to anybody with potentially terminal health issues.

Have a plan to where you want to be in seven years; health wise, mentally, relationship wise and if you're in a position to adopt, you'll be judged on the person you have become.

If you're open about previous mental health issues, have shown that you have faced them, understood where they came and overcome them, that you transformed yourself, it may not be an issue.

5 years is that true. I am 28 now so in 5 years I will be 33. Isn't that too old to adopt or is there no upper age limit? Im single at the moment but that isn't too much of an issue

So you were 17yrs old at the point when aggressive behaviour was identified? And you had to go to hospital for that? Do you mean you were referred into child mental heath support services? I'm really sorry regarding your cancer diagnosis, and obviously as it's been highlighted to you that it could impact your fertility then that must be so upsetting. But I think you'd be better off talking that through as part of your treatment, and waiting to see what the outcome is long-term first and then taking it from there.

I know you said low sperm count but is it so low IVF with ICSI isn't an option? If IVF is a possible option freezing sperm at a fertility clinic might be worthwhile.

I did that before my operation alreadygone. Tried 3 times and all 3 came up as finding no sperm. Reason might be because I have a mild varicocele which came up in my report letter from my operation so they might be contacting me again soon about the next steps after that I hope, if they haven't rang up in a couple of weeks I'm going to give them a call. And yes I was 17 years old, I received counselling for a bit then stopped but doing more counselling now because of everything that is going on and feeling so overwhelmed from it all.

There’s an adoption board here under ‘becoming a parent’, where you’ll get lots of well informed replies.

I’m an adopter. I’m very sorry about your diagnosis.

It’s definitely not the case that only perfect people can adopt, in fact adoption agencies consider it a strength if you can talk about difficulties you’ve been through and how you’ve dealt with them.

At the same time, they’d look very carefully at the nature of what you did, and particularly whether children were involved.

33 definitely isn’t too old to adopt. I was 42 when we did it for the first time and DP was 47!

As others have said, take some time to take stock of what’s going on for you and maybe make some tentative enquiries with your local authority adoption team or a good agency like PACT or Barnardos.

Grieving for the potential loss of becoming a parent is something I'd definately raise with your counsellor for support around.

I suggest you do some proper research into adoption, agencies will be able to talk to you about your prospects