Recent breakup

[skittycat]

I recently broke up with my partner.

We started dating last may, don't live together. With COVID we haven't been able to see much of each other since March. He has also been made redundant.

In august we had a chat where I explained that I was struggling with having a lot of pressure mentally. My workload has increased during lockdown which has increased the pressure, and I felt like the majority of the relationship was on me to make all the plans and decisions. We agreed to try to improve the relationship.

We've been trying to make it work for a couple of months but it just doesn't. Everything feels too difficult with the world situation at the moment, and it is still being left to me to plan/decide things.

I broke up with him on Saturday as it felt like the relationship wasn't working - our needs don't align. I feel like I've broken my own heart by not being able to make it work, as fundamentally he is a really lovely guy. He just doesn't have any motivation and it felt like there was a constant expectation on me to organise things.

I am scared that I've just thrown away my chance at happiness, that I should have given it more of a chance, that maybe I should have just cracked on and been the planner/decision maker in the relationship.

I don't know what I am hoping for by posting this - I just needed an outlet.

That's ok OP. If it helps, you breaking up with him is what you had to do- it's what your gut has told you to do and you followed through on it- that is a great thing and a thing many women including myself struggle to do- you cannot rationalise it.
You worrying about your decision is just the fear of change that is ahead of you but growth comes out of discomfort and change. If your needs are not aligned, the relationship at some point would have ended anyway.

Trust that you have done the right thing

Yes you could always have been the organiser but there is more too it than that , you said it wasn't working. This early on a relationship shouldn't be hard work it should just be getting to know each other and having fun. Of course you will meet someone else , give yourself time first.

Lovely guys care about their partner's wants and needs and don't expect them to do all the emotional work. Your needs weren't being met and it didn't feel right so you ended it, that is 100% ok OP and it happens to all of us

Thank you all for your kind words 😊 they have been helpful and comforting