I dont even know what I want anymore..

[GRIC14]

OK so I'll try and make as short and simple as possible.
After posting before I've NC to put this all into 1 nutshell.

So I met my now dp 4.5yrs ago
Hit it off and everythings been mostly great since. We've split up once due to me having had enough re our future and nothing progressing, and here lies the problem.

So around 6 months in we had the move chat.. Both wanted the same, he was coming to me (we live an hr apart).. Time goes by and its easier to just say he changed his mind due to work.

Time passed and on we have gone. Me I guess knowing I'll have to move to his area.

So I've broached, it's gone down so so, sometimes he's got stressed as 'finds it hard to talk about'.. He hates talking about money.. But overall we've discussed and he's said it would be great.
Now I know reading this a lot of you will be thinking I'm mad.. Bear with..

So the last discussion we had was around 2 months ago. To be able to move we need his familys help (who are willing).. I won't go into it but it's all do able.. Except its dawned on me for quite a while now that he's never going to do it. Nor do I feel like I want to uproot everything for a guy who quite frankly can't be bothered to do 1 thing and that's speak to his family member.
There's always an excuse and I'm fed up of it.
SO.. Cop out I know but its Xmas looming. I turned the tables a bit with a suggestion which I didn't expect him to go with, but he is always accommodating and has never let me down.. Apart from with this. I love him.. Feel heart broken at not having a future with him. BUT I know he won't feel the same. What's that saying 'I'm miss right now..not miss right'.. Thats such an awful feeling when I do get the feeling he's happy and in love with me.

We have our weekends/holidays etc together and the rest of the time is his bachelor life and I do my thing.. Its like Mon-Fri almost pass with not a lot and its weird.

But I've also realsied the last few weeks that he's been difficult at mine.. Doing things he wouldn't have done at his.. I moan, he sulks.. I've realised I wouldn't want to live with him anyway if that's the way he is.

Sigh.. Its not even about being on my own anymore, it's about meeting yet another person who just gives you the run around.
So I guess this post is for me to come back to in the new year and tell myself I'm right when I've got upset and he makes me feel like 'of I'm just a little bit more patient'.. But who am I kidding. We are so well suited it's gutting.. Just not suited enough though hey😔

I read your post before. I'm glad you've come to the conclusion that the relationship isn't working for you. He was holding all the power and keeping you hanging on. Take back some control, end it and find someone worth of you.

I think I remember you. Whether or not you’re the poster I’m thinking of, I’ll say that what you say about your boyfriend reminds me of someone I know who, nearly nine years into a LDR, had to be coaxed and strong armed into marriage (He wouldn’t live together without, with the excuse it would upset older family members, who lived in another country — he was well into his 30s!), put it off as long as possible and then began spending all his time at work, and left the marriage after two children saying family life was ‘never what he wanted’.

Basically, you’ve fortunately realised comparatively early what this man’s wife didn’t — your boyfriend doesn’t want a life together. He likes his geographically-distant bachelor life, with the option of you as a weekend girlfriend. If he wanted to live with you it would already have happened - people usually do what they want, even if they won’t admit it.

The bad behaviour, moaning and sulking etc at your house are because he believes he’s doing you a favour by even spending the weekend.You’re supposed to be all on edge and grateful for his presence because it’s a concession.

I would end the relationship. The wife of the couple I know is now essentially a lone parent, as the official 50/50 child residency has turned into ‘occasional visits’, with the realisation that her ex ended the marriage, not for another relationship, but to play his PS4 and to dodge childcare.

I felt very sad for you reading your post OP. You have tried again and again and I agree that he genuinely does not want this move. His behaviour speaks volumes. Sorry 🌺

I'm going the the same sort of thing so I sympathise although I haven't been with mine as long, only a year but enough to know it'll be a never ending wait and I'm not sure I even want to.
What I have been doing though is backing off and at least it's preparing me mentally for when it does end. Pp are right though if he wants to move he would of or at least be excited to plan a future and not seen a burden.

Agreed, it's sad isn't it. I know he would be sad.. Just not sad enough.
Guess something will snap in me.. Things are meant to be as they pan out I always say

I think the fact that you are involving his family in any potential move is a red flag. Wont you feel trapped and beholden to them? I think you know that you are 'miss right now' - who wants to be that? You are worth more. End it. Take charge and be positive. There are lots of men out there who wont give you the run around. It's just choosing wisely. Good luck x

Sunflower the family parts unavoidable in ways but yes you're right. I just feel so sad about it all really

It is sad, OP, and you're going to feel sad at the end of any relationship- but this one really doesn't sound good enough. It's half a relationship, it's half a life with someone. Better to break up and risk a full one with someone else than to stick around begging for crumbs from this commitment phobe. Stay strong.

He's a non-committal flake and moving to live with him would be a huge, huge mistake. I would be ending it immediately because this relationship is going no where. Don't drag it out, just end it.

He is amazing, funny, committal.. In every way but moving forward with me. I know I could meet someone else and not have that either and that's the hard part.

He's messing with you as others have posted. He doesn't have the balls to tell you you're not "the one" he will move in with so he's carrying on seeing you when it suits while you're prepared to put up with the lack of commitment. Move on - you're worth more.

Believe his actions. Which are inactions. The lack of movement/interest speaks volumes. Move on. You're wasting your time with this man.

He obviously enjoys the current status quo

As an adult, he doesn't need approval or help from parents to move

His inaction to move tells you everything

He doesn't want a life with you

Be brave & end the relationship

@PixelatedLunchbox

Believe his actions. Which are inactions. The lack of movement/interest speaks volumes. Move on. You're wasting your time with this man.

Absolutely this. I don't think we recognise often enough that inaction is also a choice and an action in itself. Also which I seem to say a lot on the Relationships forum with the exception of a tiny minority of situations in which desired actions are impossible due to absolutely unalterable circumstances, t people usually do what they want to do.

If someone wants to move in with you, s/he will move in with you. If someone wants to marry you, s/he will ask. If someone wants to end their marriage s/he will. If someone wants to preserve the status quo, s/he will do so.