Asking my friend to move out

[friendsteak]

Hi all. Bit of a sticky situation and i want some advice.

My best friend and I have been living together for about 4 years: 2 renting a place and the other 2 where I have now bought my own house and have been renting him a room.

He's the friend i would always want to hang around with and enjoy traveling with but I have come to realize he's definitely been taking advantage (become reliant?) of me and gotten comfortable. I take care of bills, the house stays neat and picked up after all the messes. He's very messy and never in a hurry to help with things around the house unless it directly benefits him. I have never realized that this bothered me until we starting living in my house. it is a-lot different when you own it.

So i have made up my mind thatI want my own space, but i want to do this as amicably as possible. I'm trying to avoid jarring topics like "your a slob" and "you piss me off" which i am struggling with. I'm in my late 20's and just got into my first serious relationship, which has been the primary catalyst for all of this. I want to have my own space and really try to develop my relationship, plus i've never lived alone and would really like to!

I feel a sense of guilt because my friend has been struggling with his new job and ended up recently quitting. He now sees his 8 weeks of unemployment as a runway to figure stuff out and take a breather. This also worries me because i think he wont be able to pay the bills or drain what little savings he has.

How do I go about doing this ? I have gotten advice from one of my other friends and my mentor and it seems like theres no easy way to tackle a situation like im in.

On one hand i want to get it over as fast as possible and be direct with him. On the other i feel guilty i may force him to moving back in with his parents or scrapping money together to find a place for him to move.

My thoughts were this:

1. write letter to him expressing how i feel and that I've gotten to a point where i want to live alone because I want my own space and i can afford that luxury
2. giver him a runway of 4 months to find a new place and not charge him the last month to help out.
3. leave it at that and let him do what he will do.

Id love any insight that you'd be willing to offer. thanks.

What do you mean by he pays eventually?
Does he not have a rent day?
I think he’s a cheek if he owns 4 cars and a bike not paying his way.

Why would you give him a month rent-free, particularly when he has that many assets?

No way should you give him 4 months notice, that's barmy. 2 months is more than generous.

Is he a lodger or a paying tenant with rights under an assured short hold tenancy?

Lemme Clarify some things:

• yes he has some assets the cars but they are busted up, one out of 4 would past reggo/MOT
• ive been best friends with him for 10+ years ( since HS). This shits hard for me because hes that good of a friend to me
• we have a handshake agreement. nothing written or formal. in the states we have a 15 day window to pay mortgage. I give him the same 15 days to pay the bills. Most of the time i get them on time
• i know i dont have to give him more then 30 days notice legally but its not a complete stranger. I get its a business transaction, but i guess I'm a fool for mixing business and friends.
• He definitely doesn't have the funds to get his own place and furnish it right now. that's why i wanted to be generous and help him out.

either way having a conversation with him tomorrow. I work late tonight and don't feel like being strung out and tired dealing with something so difficult for me.

Maybe pick a time to tell him when there’s a clean getaway for you soon after.

Say your piece, and then ‘Well, I’ll leave you to digest all that. I know it’s a lot to think through. See you after work.’ I’ve always found it best to not hang around while they ‘react’ and do/say things they wouldn’t in normal circumstances. You leaving them to ‘get on with it’ also serves to show you’re serious, not just making an opening gambit in some kind of negotiation.

I’d prolly break the news up into two halves. First the more general concept (‘Time to live separately’), then the details, with your generous 2 month offer later that day. Let him process the first bit emotionally before getting into the technicalities?

Best of luck. A good mate will understand, just might sting a bit initially for him, mainly because of the timing. A bit like hearing a friend is pregnant and you're getting divorced after a miscarriage.

Would you be happy enough if he had to leave the cat with you?

Renting with pets can make life troublesome...

That would be the concession I'd make.

Yes, don’t make the cat homeless! If he can’t take it, please consider keeping it.

I’ve lived with friends several times and it always gets to a point where you just want your own space. It’s suffocates you after a while.

I enjoyed living with others in my 20s, but I think once you hit your 30s, you start to grow up and just want your own space to be you.

Ok glad i'm not insane wanting my own space at 27. And no, no cats will be homeless! I have my own cat and they are both pals. I'll prob get another one after he leaves.

I'll be lenient on the car storage too, that can be difficult to tackle in the winter. I'm not trying to be rigid or a dickhead, i just want my space to be "mine".

@Girlzroolz i like that idea. I guess i can leave and hit my parents placee to hang out or alternatively, he may leave. either way giving him time to digest makes sense.