can someone help me answer this, im so alone

[kertys]

Life is mostly good and I’m mostly happy. I have interests and goals and friends. But I’m so alone...I cannot seem to find the right person for me. I’ve tried being picker, being less picky, being very open minded, giving things a chance even when I’m not bothered, giving it a break, approaching dating like a job. I feel like I’ve done it all. I get dates and don’t mind dating in general but fucking hell what I wouldn’t give to be happily settled down!!

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong...maybe I’m just too old now and there’s nobody left. I feel like it’s all passing me by and at night I get so so upset. In the morning I pick myself up and enjoy life again. But it’s hard and lonely. No matter how much I fill my time I crave having that feeling of someone special in my life. It’s been four years I’ve been single now. I can’t even imagine it happening and I often think I will just end my life in a few years if I am still this alone...not because I can’t cope on my own but because I don’t want to have a life that is just me and nobody to cuddle up to and share a bed with...it seems too sad. I don’t want a family alone so that’s not an option. Just feel like however good fun I am and chatty with friends and doing my own thing..it’s all fine but why on earth can I not find anyone to build a life with?

OP, please have a big hug from me 💐

Never used them and don't even know if they still exist, but what about trying a proper matchmaking agency.

Sending you a massive hug x

Unfortunately I think it is largely down to luck. You can improve the odds by doing all the things you are doing, but it is still just luck as to whether the right person does come along. Hopefully it will happen for you soon.

I feel the same op . But I’m sorry you feel so bad you feel that you would end things at some point . I’ve been single for a long time too. The things is you really can meet someone when you least expect . If you give up completely that chance is gone.

A male friend of mine met a lovely woman in a shop. It really was very random meet she had been in a crappy relationship before , probably thought she would never meet someone . He was having no luck dating.

I don’t have any practical advice only that I do deep down think there is someone for everyone.

In exactly the same boat, so big hug. I don't have the answers I'm afraid but just wanted you to know you're not alone! Have friends in similar situations. As PP said, I really think it is largely down to luck. I too date, have had relationships, some good, some bad, but still looking. At one point I even regretted divorcing my ex, thinking maybe he was the best I could do and I'd been too picky (that's when I knew I was at a low point, as I know that's not true). And life alone now is still better than my unhappy marriage was!

Like Charlotte in Sex and the City says, "I've been dating for 15 years, and I'm tired, where IS he?"

To make my future more palatable, I have recently started researching sperm donors and IVF - thinking if I don't meet someone in a few years, then I will still have a baby. As it's something I've always wanted. Definitely prefer to not do it alone, as I'm aware it's hard yards. But having that kind of goal, which is not dependent on finding a partner has brought me peace. Maybe there's some big goal you can work towards to distract from the emotionally exhausting dating circus?

In the meantime I force myself on dates, take a break when I'm fed up, start all over again. At this point I'm treating it a bit like a job - tedious, but necessary. Hang in there though! I still have hope that I will eventually meet someone. It's just not my time now, I guess.

I hope you meet someone OP but it sounds like you have a lovely life. I was single for many years, now I'm married with kids now and I really miss my friends and leisure time.
Being married is a great experience to have but I think being single was much healthier for me. I'm not cut out for all these responsibilities and I'd just like to go to an art gallery one Sunday.

Sorry to hear you're feeling so low. Hard to say why it's turning out like this without knowing you. Do you do online dating? You say you get dates, so what goes wrong after that, do you go off them or them off you, or do you just not click? Do you only attract a certain type? Have you had a relationship before?
Also you may be idealising what being settled down is like. Sure, some people have great relationships and it's lovely, but lots and lots of others are in crappy relationships and would actually be better off single, but are scared of being alone.

Have you thought about asking friends if they know of any available men? My niece was set up on a blind date with a friend of the matchmaker, they're happily married now. My nephew (my niece's brother) was also set up on a blind date. He's 42, she's 53, they live together and are incredibly happy X

Another one here feeling the same.
Single over 5 years, with some attempts to create a relationship and going through another disaster atm, which I write about in my thread.
I honestly don't know what is wrong with me. Why I always meet the wrong ones or why the ones that suit me - give up on me.
And yes, I did all the 'be happy single' stuff and had therapy. I am 40, with 1 child, so as much as it's a godsend I have her and haven't missed on being a mum, it also means I have commitments that make dating harder and exclude a number of men who otherwise might be good matches.
I have no advice but I do hear you and just wanted to say I 100% get these pangs of loneliness and being somewhat broken when everybody around, even mostly shitty exes, managed to settle down and are in long term relationships that seem fine.

My ex husband has been with his new gf (not the one he cheated on me with) for 2 years now, this gf seems fairly normal. And from what I know and what my daughter says - they have a good relationship, which reminds me our marriage in good years ( married for 12 years, things went wrong after 7/8 years).
It hurts as hell.
I am having another sleepless night, despite the fact I need to get up and go to work soon ( I am a key worker). I know I will arrange it all in my head and rationalise for myself again soon, aa I did many times before, but damn, it's so hard to live without a significant other, when you want someone.
Sending hugs.

Oh and this:

'I’ve tried being picker, being less picky, being very open minded, giving things a chance even when I’m not bothered, giving it a break, approaching dating like a job. I feel like I’ve done it all. I get dates and don’t mind dating in general but fucking hell what I wouldn’t give to be happily settled down'.

I have done it all. I honestly have almost zero emotion and excitement now when meeting someone new. In these 5 years I had over 80 dates with men aged 30-50, from variety of backgrounds, some close, some far away, some 1-2 hrs drive. With children, without children. Some in well paid jobs but many in normal regular jobs, so bus or lorry drivers, retail workers, admin workers, teachers, manual workers and so on. Tall, short, good looking, average looking ones. Driving and not driving ones. Living in own houses, rented ones, in houseshare. And so on.
I have no ticklist and I am very open minded, what counts for me is their personality, being genuine, mature and grounded plus attraction between us. The rest can be mostly worked on. In fact, many people on my thread plus sometimes in life commented that I have not enough of boundaries or 'low standards'... I somehow disagree with it but also I look around and see plenty of less nice people with more mess in their life settling down - so maybe they are right in some ways?

It's hard to keep changing yourself for years to find someone, especially when you know you have already done so much work on yourself, your ways and attitude towards men, dating, relations etc and you are STILL (un)happily single...