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Original poster

Red flags?! Narcissist

29 replies

BueenQee · 20/10/2020 15:18

Looking for some advice...

Last week I was unwell (high temp, fatigue, cough...etc) Because of my symptoms I had to get a test for Covid. The results came back late on Saturday night and was positive. As soon as I got the results I text my partner to let him know as we had obviously been in close contact and he had started to feel unwell a couple of days prior, albeit his symptoms were very mild. Because he did have symptoms though, I offered him to come and stay over at mine but he refused.

When I told him I had tested positive, his reaction was a bit over the top to say the least. He sent several texts back saying “I’m speechless” “I don’t fucking believe this” “I’m not going to sleep tonight, fuck knows what I will wake up to” when I asked him what he meant by that I got a mouthful of cheek back “are you for fucking real, I have asthma, I don’t know what’s going on with my lungs just now, I could choke to death during the night” by this time it was almost midnight so I tried to reassure him that he would probably be fine as his symptoms were mild. Sunday I didn’t hear from him at all so I text around dinner time asking if he was ok. He replied at half 11 at night “I’m fine”

So yesterday I asked him what his attitude was all about and he basically told me that I should be feeling guilty for not offering him to come along and stay at time when I found out I had tested positive as having the virus could be fatal for him!! I told him I had already offered him and he had declined and he replied with “yea, I declined before I knew you had tested positive for that fucking virus, you should have offered again!” He also said that he would expect someone who claims to love him to show some compassion but I just acted like I didn’t care about him.

Not once did he actually ask if I was ok when I told him I had it, he just made it all about him and it’s seriously made me doubt everything and I’m on the verge of ending the relationship as I think I may be dealing with a narc.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
WouldBeGood · 20/10/2020 15:21

He sounds really horrible.

I hope you’re feeling better.

Toebarb · 20/10/2020 15:23

He sounds awful OP. How long have you been together?

Original poster
BueenQee · 20/10/2020 15:24

I’m feeling much better thanks x

We’ve been together just under a yeat

OP posts:
Bunnymumy · 20/10/2020 15:27

He sounds a right prick.

Also...am I missing something here because why would he WANT to stay with you if he knew you had covid? Surely he wouldn't want to be near you incase he didnt have it already and caught it off you.

The wanting to stay with you therefore has nothing to do with him being sick. Unless he expects you to run around after him while he is sick (and whilst apparently, you are even sicker).

Either way, get shot of the asshole.

Original poster
BueenQee · 20/10/2020 15:30

Bunymumy - that’s exactly what he was wanting. He was wanting me to run around after him as I had started to feel better by the time I had got my test results back and by that point he had been feeling unwell for a couple of days.

OP posts:
cheesecrack · 20/10/2020 15:33

Not sure if he's a narc. Just a knob by the sounds of it.

SpaceOP · 20/10/2020 15:34

I am willing to cut people some slack around Covid because I think a lot o people are absolutely terrified and a bit irrational. Having said that, when you developed symptoms and got a test he can't have missed the fact that there was a pretty good chance that you were going to be positive and that therefore he probably was too? So it is a LOT irrational.

I'm a bit more concerned about accusation so you not caring etc. Because that definitely smacks of being a narc as it's all one way towards him. Imagine what he'll be like when he's properly sick?!

StephenBelafonte · 20/10/2020 15:35

So he wanted you to not be ill so that you could look after him is that it? It's sad he hasn't asked you how you are. If your partner hasn't got your back then who has?

Bunnymumy · 20/10/2020 15:36

Ok so he knows he had covid too so he isbt worrying about catching it off you...and is saying that when you found out you had it, you should have asked him over again (because you wouldnt then be able to catch it from him) ?

But I mean...why on earth should you be expected to invite him over and baby him, whilst you are ill!?
The man has a right cheek. I think this shows that he sees you as only there to serve his selfish needs. Even when you are sick.

I agree it is dumping grounds op. That alone, without his nastiness on top. Tell him to jog on, the snivelling wee fanny that he is. Hope you get over the bug soon!

Calyx72 · 20/10/2020 15:37

I'm sorry you are covid positive and hope you're well. I think he has just shown you his true colours and you would be wise to have a think now about whether you want to be with someone like that.

PeachesTheFlamingo · 20/10/2020 15:42

Narc or not, he sounds like a prick. He's definitely acting like a child and is only considering himself in this situation and hasn't spared a thought for you.

Original poster
BueenQee · 20/10/2020 15:45

Sorry if I haven’t been clear.... so, to clarify - When I found out I had the virus, he didn’t know if he had it or not, he just assumed he did as he’d started to develop mild symptoms a couple of days before. By the time I had got my results back I had started to feel better (they took 4 days) so although I was confirmed positive but feeling better, he was expecting me to invite him to stay at mine, I assume to look after him.

As for his reaction, I wasn’t really bothered about that as I do get people can behave irrationally about this virus. It’s the whole guilt trip thing that’s getting me.

OP posts:
Original poster
BueenQee · 20/10/2020 15:46

Thanks for your well wishes everyone - I’m totally fine, it was a mild version I had so I’m lucky.

OP posts:
workshy44 · 20/10/2020 15:52

Oh god he sounds awful. Dump for sure, I wouldn't put up with someone speaking to me like that, certainly not after a year. No apology either .. the absolute cheek.

SeaEagleFeather · 20/10/2020 15:57

Bit of a manchild.

Dillydallyingthrough · 20/10/2020 15:59

Sorry OP, I would say get rid, I'm willing to cut people slack because of the fear around covid but the nastiness along with guilt tripping and to add to that not even asking how you are all show he is not a particularly nice person. Also I notice he didn't offer to stay at yours to look after you when you were unwell?

Original poster
BueenQee · 20/10/2020 16:19

Ok so I’ve just received a text from him saying that I’m projecting my feeling of guilt onto him by questioning his behaviour and trying to make him look like the bad one for reacting in the way he did!!

So he’s basically saying that I’m feeling guilty for not showing him compassion/offering him to stay over/making sure he was ok that and that there was nothing wrong with his behaviour?? And because I’m feeling guilty I’m trying to make him feel bad? Am I misinterpreting?

OP posts:
EternalOptimist7 · 20/10/2020 16:24

I’m exhausted just reading that OP! Relationships shouldn’t be such hard work. I would cut your losses.

Original poster
BueenQee · 20/10/2020 16:26

ExternalOptimist7 - I know, I had to read the text about 10 times before I actually understood it (and I still don’t really 🥴) I think he’s basically saying I’m feeling guilty and I’m projecting.

OP posts:
Bunnymumy · 20/10/2020 16:28

He sounds like a right head worker.

'Oh I'm sorry, I wasnt aware that you know me better than i know me, mystic meg. Here was me just thinking I didn't like the way you were talking to me like I a was a friggin schmuck...oh no wait, it is that. Drop dead you utter gaslighting sociopath. And never contact me again'.

PlanDeRaccordement · 20/10/2020 16:28

I’m thoroughly confused. Why would he want to stay at yours when you were positive with Covid and he’s vulnerable to Covid due to asthma? His initial response of being very afraid is understandable because governments the world over are locking people down and running their economies into disaster zones. They wouldn’t do that over a mild sniffle. This virus kills, including young people with asthma.

But since he was so afraid, why on earth would he be upset you hadn’t invited him to your Covid positive self? This sounds really irrational. Not narcissistic, just plain irrational.

I can’t comment on the “acted like you didn’t care” one way or the other because you did not share what you texted to him, only what he texted to you.

If this is a one off, I’m leaning to give him a pass because Covid has made lots of perfectly nice people act irrationally.

OrtamLeevz · 20/10/2020 16:34

Oh well, he's made it easy really. Just reply with a two-word text, the second being 'off'.

anotherdisaster · 20/10/2020 16:41

He sounds utterly pathetic and full of childish drama. Ditch him.

RantyAnty · 20/10/2020 17:00

Was he looking after you and concerned for you when you weren't well?

Original poster
BueenQee · 20/10/2020 17:10

@PlanDeRaccordement - he wanted me to invite him to stay at mine as he believed he already had Covid and thought I should be looking after him. I started getting symptoms last Tuesday, took a test on the Wednesday and the results came back late on the Saturday evening, by which time I had started to feel better (although I was still infectious) He started getting symptoms on the Thursday evening so when I got my positive result, he assumed he had it too. I still don’t know if he definitely does have it as he’s not told me if he’s been tested.

@RantyAnty - no he didn’t. My symptoms were mild though and I I really didn’t anticipate that I had Covid, I thought it was just a cold.

OP posts: