Can't move on

[notsurewhattodo22]

I could really do with some support as I'm struggling to come to terms with a recent 'breakup' if you can call it that. It's a long one so I'm sorry. I'm 100% sure he is single as well.

About 18 months ago I started talking to a man online. We grew into messaging all day every day. He was lovely and very attentive / caring. Stupidly I carried on chatting for ages without meeting.

We did eventually meet and got on, he said he would like to see me again. This never transpired but we kept chatting. He was always initiating...and talking on the phone.

We kept in touch through lockdown and met up again after regularly for a few weeks. He has now become indifferent towards me, not bothered one way or the other.

I feel upset as he really gained my trust, he wanted to know everything about me and claimed to care so much about me. I presumed he did as he kept coming back and said he wanted a relationship with me.

He did have a nasty streak I noticed. We had fallen out a few times and everytime i had to apologise. Everything was on his terms and he could patronise me if I questioned his motives. If I ever pointed this out he would ignore me for days / weeks. I feel like my self esteem has been destroyed.

He did have a lovely side as well or I wouldn't have been so interested. I at least thought he cared about me or why would he bother.

After seeing eachother regularly and him not making much of an effort it's fizzled out. I tried to make amends but he's not interested and seems indifferent.

I feel like I've been used, he knew how I felt about him and i thought he felt the same.

I honestly considered him to be my best friend, I've been in touch so long that i feel lost without him.

I'm so hurt that he's not interested and i can't seem to move on. He was always hot and cold ish but I thought that this time it would be okay.

It's upsetting knowing that he couldn't care less and I'm here devastated.

If he was never interested why did he want my attention so much...and come back. I know I let him but he seemed so caring when he chose to be.

I feel used and not sure how to stop this awful feeling of just being discarded.

Thanks for replying.

Feel like I've lost a best friend...even though it's becoming clear he isn't and wasn't my friend. Friends don't treat you like this.

I know it was completely unequal. I don't feel I cam block just yet ☹

How could I have been so stupid though...fell for it for 18 months!

He sounds like a narcissist. Google it.

Many people do! Try not to be hard on yourself .

In a very similar situation
I feel lost and like you keep checking my phone hoping he will initiate contact although I know he won't as he's a stubborn pig headed fool who cannot admit any wrong doing. Best to know this now than end up with someone like this when married etc

The truth is he probably had a few girls on the go. Block him and get some help to move on

Oh dear I'm feeling so low right now.

I'm really missing him, just him being in touch.

I keep thinking back to all the unkind ways he treated me and how he never valued me / made an effort but it's not helping.

I feel like I've been left hanging too....when it fizzled out he wouldn't confirm it's over but said he didn't know either way.

Please can anyone talk to me...I don't understand how he can keep switching off like this.

I've been strung along so bad. Why do I still want him

May sound harsh but people can only use you with your consent. If you're an adult you naturally know there are people who exist in the world who only want to use others for sex/a good time/ego boost/ money etc. Since you can't control the behaviour of others, it's your responsibility as an adult to sift out these people by recognising bad behaviour and removing yourself promptly from the situation.

No wonder it's very tough and you aer suffering , Op. Every day for 18 months - you got addicted, and need to treat this as addiction now - try to read online the advice of how to beat an addiction/obsession. Best via a therapist but while you are arranging that, just get a good book or read online - to eep yourself sane. There ar good books that make you feel better - and explain things. '

'Women Who Love Too Much' (sorry can't remember hte author but it's well known) is a good one for those who tend to get used! It does help reading through rational advice.

Move on, sounds like you've had a lucky escape to be honest.

I know it's my responsibility as an adult...I should have not been blinded to the excuses and when he walked away last time that should have shown me what he was capable of. I thought because he came back he had thought about it and was serious ☹

I feel so lost without him in my day. I only slept for an hour last night.

I agree with the addiction part, he was such a big part of my day...just speaking to him.

I don't miss the anxiety he caused though with his hot and cold behaviour and second guessing myself all the time though. I can tell he wasn't good but somehow it's not making it any easier.

Try writing a pro’s and cons list of him and what he brought to the relationship. It’s often easy to just think of the good times.

It sounds like he was unsure what he wanted hence the hot and cold behaviour and now he knows what he wants so has just fully backed off.

Do you see him in person anywhere still? Mutual friends, work etc ?

Block him off social media, WhatsApp etc as that will make it worse

I think you've dodged a bullet to be honest.

Take the knock to the ego on the chin and remember his bad points.

Thanks both.

We had a brief text conversation last night...I told him how I felt. I don't care...said I felt led on, taken for granted etc.

He said he's not led me on but I want more than he's willing to give. That's true....I didn't want much though. The bare minimum really and he couldn't even do that.

Just a selfish lazy man I can see now. Told him I had no trust in him so I wish him well but it's time to say goodbye.

Feeling really sad now though...really sad.

I'm in a very similar situation. Feel really low today. When will I stop feeling sad.?

Sorry the same is happening with you ☹ what happened to you?

I've been sad for a few weeks now ( sorry). It's worse just knowing he couldn't care less.