Married 14 yrs 2DS.
Trigger*
Whilst having vaginal sex with my husband - both sober - he had anal sex with me - first time - no asking - no lubrication - and he orgasmed. I don’t know how this works around consent. I didn’t say yes, but I didn’t say no. I just froze and was completely still. I didn’t realise what was happening at first (I expected anal sex to hurt but it didn’t) and when I realised what he was doing - I was just lay there thinking OMG he’s doing this and hasn’t asked.
He apologised immediately after and said it would never happen again.
Normally - both of us actively participate - so consent is clearly there. He says he thought there was consent (even though he didn’t ask, or check if I was ok) because usually when I don’t want something, I would tell him/ move away etc. As I didn’t do any of that this time, he thought it was all fine. I am wondering if I gave him the wrong signals/should have been more explicit with my wishes? I really feel this is on a different level and that he should have explicitly asked.
I don’t think I consented, but didn’t actively show that. Do you think he had reasonable justification to think I consented or not? Is it the R word?
I feel very let down, hurt and confused. I have no one to talk to in person about this.