I am accidently pregnant by a man I have been seeing for 18 months. We are both divorced and have children. His are teens and mine are under 10. There is no way I want another DC so I planned to have a termination.
When I told him that I was pregnant and planning on a termination, he was shocked and asked me to get it sorted out “straight away.” I agreed that I was planning to, and booked a doctor’s appointment. He kept insisting that at the “soonest opportunity” I should abort (which is fine by me but did not appreciate the lack of care for the pace at which it would work for me given my own commitments - (DC and a full time, very stressful job.)
As events transpired (scans and tests) it turns out that I have a more serious problem which warrants further investigation, including an operation under GA next week. The termination is not in question, and will happen, I am now just more worried about my general health and not feeling well.
My b/f has become distant and formal about my medical problems. If I call to give him an update he does not want to know. He’ll say spare me the details, I’m sorry to hear about the problem, I assume you just want space?
The problem is I do not want space. I want support and understanding and a place to vent. He doesn’t seem to get this even if I spell it out.
He is still in touch as he normally is (calling me several times a day,) the friendship part of our relationship is still fully functional, but he has stopped having sex with me and is treating me in a very “matey” way. It’s as if 18 months of romantic history has disappeared overnight and We were just friends the whole time. If you overheard us in a cafe you would think we were just “best buds.”
I don’t know how this has happened. How an incredibly close, romantic, sexual relationship has disappeared in the space of two weeks. I feel he is still going through the motions (eg we spend Tuesday and Wednesday nights together and one weekend night) - he is still coming to mine tomorrow, still cooking dinner together etc, but he’s making plans with me like we are friends.
I cannot live with this elephant in the room. He will say it is not an elephant and it is all perfectly logical: Our plan was to never have a baby. As I am pregnant I will get a termination. Whatever other health problems I have discovered are not his business and he hopes I get better and would I like some space while I recover?
I keep feeling very sad and want to finish with him but the structure and routine of the relationship is still there. It just feels like all the feeling has been sucked out of it. He will not acknowledge this.
Is it best to just withdraw myself and let him come to his own conclusions as to why, or have it out with him and be faced with his “logical” argument as above?