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Original poster

Unrequited love

14 replies

Wentz18 · 19/10/2020 22:28

Hi everyone!

Long time peruser, first time poster. I was wondering if many of you had experience with trying to deal with unrequited love?

I'm a bloke, and am hopelessly in love with a female friend of mine. I know there's no chance of ever getting together with her, and it's not a nice feeling!

Most advice always seems to be to limit contact, or cut them out of your life altogether, but I certainly couldn't do that. Any insights or tips most welcome.

OP posts:
Toohardtofindaproperusername · 19/10/2020 22:30

Its the only way ... it didnr have to be forever but it does help to not have to constanrky faced with something-one you cannot have. That is masochistic ....

xsquared · 19/10/2020 22:34

Limit contact is the only way.
Not fair on either of you otherwise.

JurassicParkaha · 19/10/2020 22:41

How do you know you can't be with her? Have you ever told her how you feel?

princessconsulabananahammock · 19/10/2020 23:47

I think it all depends on what you can handle. If you say you can’t be with her do you want to lose her friendship? If you can’t handle it best to go NC. If you can make your peace with it then stay friends. It’s fucking hard though. I feel your pain. Been there got the t shirt.

user1481840227 · 20/10/2020 00:44

Cutting her out is genuinely the only way.
Perhaps after a period of time when the feelings have gone then you can resume a genuine friendship but continuing it right now is just going to prolong it and preventing you from moving on and finding someone who loves you back.

HeddaGarbled · 20/10/2020 00:54

You need to find someone who will do the requiting thing. Reduce contact with this one. Get out there and find another one. In 10 years, you’ll look back on this as an infatuation. I know it’s hard - we’ve all been there 💐

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 20/10/2020 06:29

Have you told her? I know in the past I’ve been able to hang around in the place you’re in for ages because it was like a little secret I was nurturing and although I ‘knew’ there was no chance I didn’t actually test this. Which meant I was miserable (because no chance) but also sustained by a ridiculous hope (because what if..?) which prolonged it.

Ive always found someone telling me directly “I am not interested in that way” to be a pretty solid way of getting over it. I guess if you’ve done that and you’re still not over her I would go NC next and just distract yourself until she’s out of your mind (which she will be!). There’s not a friendship worth saving here if it makes you feel like this.

SecondStageIgnition · 20/10/2020 09:37

Why do you say there is no chance of getting with her?

Original poster
Wentz18 · 20/10/2020 21:47

I think we've been friends for too long now for her to ever have even the slightest thought about something more. Plus general intuition suggests that she wouldn't be remotely interested in me.

We are part of a larger friendship group, which makes completely cutting her out almost important (and, as painful as the other side of the coin is, I can't imagine not having her In my life as a friend).

OP posts:
Original poster
Wentz18 · 20/10/2020 21:48

*impossible

OP posts:
RedIsWhereItsAt · 20/10/2020 22:15

Please don’t trust your intuition. Just ask her if she wants to go out for a drink or whatever, just the two of you. This will eat you up otherwise. I currently have a limerence for someone I met months ago and haven’t seen since before the lockdown and have no way of getting in contact with, and there are no mutual friends, he’s not on social media etc. It’s a miserable existence I tell you. Rip the plaster off, maybe there’s a rotting wound under there, in which case it needs fresh air to heal. Or maybe there’s a beautiful pearl under there. In which case you needed to rip the plaster off to find it.

You say she wouldn’t be interested in you. I say bollocks.

Ask her then you can either give it a go or, very importantly, you can begin to lick your wounds and eventually heal.

LilyWater · 20/10/2020 23:09

Tell her how you feel. Seriously. Even if she doesn't feel the same way, she will feel flattered (girls always secretly do) and you will know for sure instead of assuming you can read a woman's mind. It also means she knows of your interest, so if she ever feels the same way in the future she knows there's a chance with you too! If you just cut her out without her knowing why, she will think she's done something wrong or you've gone weird plus it would be very awkward for the rest of the friendship group.

premiumKale · 20/10/2020 23:12

I have no real advice other than tell we or you’ll never know!!
Also the thread title reminded me of a horrific poem I wrote aged 15 titled ‘unrequited love’ I still cringe at it as I thought it was amazing and that I had a career ahead of me in romantic poetry 🤣

premiumKale · 20/10/2020 23:12

Tell her not we !

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