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Original poster

Is It Ok to Not Meet Up?

38 replies

minibreakams1 · 19/10/2020 21:26

Hi guys,

I posted a while ago about a break up I went through....I looked for advice on the best way to go about things after a three year relationship. Things were quite bad between us and I've ended it and have been moving on. In the past couple weeks we haven't spoken but today he messaged asking would I meet him tomorrow. I know from past experience the reason he would want to meet is to 'check in', make sure I'm ok and look like the good guy. I've asked for the reason he wants to meet and he didn't have one. I find myself quite bitter about how I'm still dealing with the fall out of the relationship (I've had fertility issues since and have had many hospital appointments since) while he is happily moving on and I'm not sure it's good for my head to meet up.

Can I be honest and say I don't want to? We still have stuff belonging to the other but he hasn't looked for his yet, I know we will have to sort that out at some point. I think seeing him would mess up my head and take me back to how bad things were before. Any advice is much appreciated, thanks xx

OP posts:
Original poster
minibreakams1 · 25/10/2020 22:28

This has basically become a 'is it ok to not text back' thread after my initial post Halloween Smile

I know it's what's making me feel best for now but I just wanted to not feel that I am in the wrong by not replying. I just don't want a confrontation or a discussion that will make me nervous. Today would have been our three year anniversary (although I'm sure he didn't remember that) but I just really want to move on from him now in the most positive way possible

OP posts:
category12 · 25/10/2020 22:32

Of course it's fine not to text back. You're no longer in a relationship.

It's utterly normal to stop contact with someone you've broken up with.

What is he contacting you about?

Limpid · 25/10/2020 22:36

OP, you don’t need the permission of random strangers to not meet up with someone you don’t want to see.

Opentooffers · 26/10/2020 00:24

It's totally fine to block him, so he can't message you. You really do need to stop thinking about his feelings, they should not be your concern anymore.

Enough4me · 26/10/2020 00:31

Why can't you swap the stuff you have, then block him? When he messages about meeting just say "no thanks".

You don't have to add friendly people-pleasing messages as you don't have a friendship to maintain.

Original poster
minibreakams1 · 26/10/2020 13:22

This time last year I posted here about the relationship as after two years together I fell pregnant and was very unsupported by this man. He told me he couldn't see a way to stay together if I kept the baby and (I know this was a trigger for many and caused a big reaction) I had the abortion because I wanted to keep the relationship. He then left me three weeks later and I was pretty heart broken. Also, I was left with some issues, it was an incomplete abortion which I didn't find out until after the break up which made it all a little harder.

A few months later he came back and apologised and I took him back because I wanted to try get things back to how they were but I was too bitter and twisted to make it work. I still have issues with periods and have had a number of hospital appointments over the past few months to try understand why this is happening. I was simply unlucky in this sense but I really regret the abortion and have attending counselling over this.

I think he is staying in touch because he has a lot of guilt over the emotional and health issues I have had and wants to be seen like the 'good guy' by staying in touch

OP posts:
Limpid · 26/10/2020 13:48

So he’s a weapons-grade shit who can’t cope with looking like the bad guy, and you still need permission to not stay in touch? Oh, OP. Just block him and don’t ever contact him again.

Dery · 26/10/2020 14:00

What @Limpid said. You’ve had a very difficult time and this guy has absolutely put you through the ringer. Shut him down completely. It really doesn’t matter whether or not he wants to seem like the good guy. Relationships end. No-one has to be at fault for that. But your relationship is over. There is no reason to be in touch and many reasons not to be.

Original poster
minibreakams1 · 26/10/2020 15:38

Thanks, I think I just needed to hear it said by someone else (even strangers on the Internet) as my head has been quite unsure

OP posts:
Original poster
minibreakams1 · 01/11/2020 11:29

He texted again this morning asking why I haven't replied. Clearly ignoring him is not working. I just don't want the confrontation with him, I wanted him to take the hint when I didn't reply

OP posts:
SoulofanAggron · 01/11/2020 12:04

Organize both of you getting your stuff back (don't get involved in any conversation) then block him, and I mean block him, on everything. No reason to keep in touch with him after that. End the drama.

You could drop his stuff on his doorstep or whatever and get him to do the same with yours.

JaffaCake70 · 01/11/2020 13:17

My ex turned up unannounced yesterday and dumped 4 bin bags full of my stuff on the doorstep. I only saw him for a millisecond but it has caused me to feel really upset and down after I had been doing so well by having no contact at all with him.

Don't meet with this guy, it most definitely WILL mess with your head. I would block him so that he can't message you. He's playing the game, he knows it will mess with your head to see him in the flesh.

He's trying to manipulate you, don't allow him to.

Big hugs, I know how you're feeling because I'm feeling it too xxx

Original poster
minibreakams1 · 01/11/2020 15:00

@JaffaCake70

My ex turned up unannounced yesterday and dumped 4 bin bags full of my stuff on the doorstep. I only saw him for a millisecond but it has caused me to feel really upset and down after I had been doing so well by having no contact at all with him.

Don't meet with this guy, it most definitely WILL mess with your head. I would block him so that he can't message you. He's playing the game, he knows it will mess with your head to see him in the flesh.

He's trying to manipulate you, don't allow him to.

Big hugs, I know how you're feeling because I'm feeling it too xxx

Thanks JaffaCake for your message. I feel so much better when not in touch but he keeps asking me why I'm not in touch. I really don't think he is being manipulative, I believe he was let away with bad behaviour with me for a long time and now has gotten a shock I'm not in touch so won't stop asking me what's going on. Do you think it seems like I'm messing him around by not replying? I'm in a relationship now but I haven't told him that and won't be telling him, it's my business

I'm sorry you went through that with your ex, hope you're feeling better now and realise how much better off you are without him xx

OP posts:
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