Hi,
I posted on here a few months ago about my feelings of unhappiness in my marriage. Married for 22.5 years to a man ten years my senior.
I don’t have feelings for him in that way and I don’t think I ever have lived tbh. But, because I was naive and stupid, I married him as I wanted the image of marriage, the children, the house etc. We married in a registry office as didn’t want a fuss.
I stopped sex many years ago as (a) I didn’t find him attractive/had no sexual feelings for him and (b) he was as passionate as a dead fish. Nothing there.
I immersed myself in work - I’m now senior management in my profession. Kids are 16 and 13 now. All grandparents are RIP and we had no support with the kids when they were younger. We managed. Just.
Mortgage free and money isn’t an issue.
I have always felt like there was something missing. He is an avid train enthusiast and, tbh, I find him strange. He lacks social skills and isn’t masculine - he never complimented me (I’m good looking, so others tell me) and I never saw him get horny (if that makes sense). All of his friends are single 50-60 something men - all train spotters.
I am desperately unhappy. I moved to the spare bedroom about 3 years ago and it’s a tiny box room big enough for a single bed. He has the master suite with a brand new en-suite, TV the works. I have gradually withdrawn even more and go out every weekend (even just sit in the car a mile away) and go to my room every evening. I have entered the menopause years so know I’m more anxious than normal but this has gone on longer. I am sat in a cafe having tea as I don’t want to go home. He isn’t abusive or anything but he won’t accept I don’t want to be with him. I have told him but he acts like I’m just being silly. I know my mental health is starting to suffer and it didn’t help he was self isolating at home for 7 months during the pandemic. He didn’t do anything around the house!
He won’t move out. I want to as I know I’m avoiding the kids too (although they’re mainly in their rooms now). I have started looking at rental properties. I’m worried this is the wrong thing to do but I really don’t know what to do for the best. I am desperately unhappy. It is a dead marriage. He is a lot older. We have nothing in common. I’ve realised the mistake I’ve made.
What can I do? What would you do?
I can afford to rent but what about the family home if he won’t sell? What if I cave in and stay but remain unhappy? I’m 48 btw. Helpful words please.