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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just had a flashback

3 replies

Zaphodsotherhead · 19/10/2020 15:27

To nearly 30 years ago. I was admitted to hospital following a miscarriage, for a GA and left my then husband looking after our three children (4, 2.5 and 1).

I was released next day, DH picked me up with the children and we drove straight to his parents for lunch. On the way, he asked me 'what state do you think the house will be in?'

I knew he'd had his mother over to help him with the children, so I though, oh, bless, they've cleaned the whole place as a surprise, so I said 'oh, pretty bad, I should think' (wanting him to be able to 'surprise' me).

We got home and the place was a shit tip. The dishes from the meal we'd had before I'd been admitted (as an emergency, for blood loss) were still on the table, the floor was covered in toys and rubbish.

He went straight outside to play with the children in the garden, leaving me hoovering, in tears. Just after release from hospital after a general anaesthetic.

No idea why this suddenly came to me. Or even what I want to achieve by documenting it, other than that I went on to have two more children with this man. Even my doctor was concerned that the relationship wasn't good, but I genuinely couldn't see it!

OP posts:
sophmum31 · 19/10/2020 20:50

Are you still together?!

What a horrific thing to have gone through and absolute idiot

Groundhogdayzz · 19/10/2020 20:53

Sometimes it’s only once you’re out of a situation you can see clearly and see how bad things actually were. Hope either this was a one off, or you’re now out of that relationship.

Zaphodsotherhead · 19/10/2020 22:49

Oh yes, we've been divorced a good twenty years! I just can't put my finger on why I had such an emotive flashback - I was standing in the shower, getting ready to go to work and I remembered as if it were yesterday that feeling of 'how COULD they?' Bearing in mind his mum was there too - and neither of them thought to wash up or tidy up or how I would feel coming out of hospital to the housework?

He was a thoughtless tosser at the best of times though. But his MUM didn't even think to so much as clear the table!

Apparently they'd taken the children out for the day. That was the excuse.

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